Can t fight the feeling
by SugarMuffin08
Summary: They are fighting a lot lately, both unsure of what to make of it. What has changed between them? - My idea on how things between Steve and Catherine might have started to become more than friendship with benefits. Rated M for a good reason!
1. Beginning

**I don´t own any of them, sadly. I just love to play with them. **

**This story is not suitable for minors, M rating for a good reason.**

**I haven´t decided yet if there will be more than one chapter. So for now it´s completed.**

Whatever let to us fighting again, I felt torn and guilty. Yes, he was a thick-headed idiot sometimes, but I knew that my anger wasn´t all rational itself. I knew that I should have listened to him and that I probably would have realized, that he was just worried. He wanted to keep me safe, but he should know that giving me orders wouldn´t get him anywhere.

He outranked me, okay, but he wasn´t active duty anymore! And I wasn´t the naïve recruit anymore that I was when we first met. I knew exactly what to do and my job wasn´t as dangerous as he was making it sound. I remembered him about the dangers in his job, being a SEAL or now being a cop didn´t make any difference. The chances for him to get shot, kidnapped or hurt in any way were exponentially higher, but I couldn´t say anything about it.

I sighed, sitting outside in my car and trying to get my emotions under control. I didn´t even know why I was here again, it just felt like there was unfinished business. I couldn´t get myself to leave without talking to him one last time. Leaving with so many unspoken words and emotions between us. I knew I wouldn´t be able to concentrate on my job and being unable to focus would get me and the people relying on me in trouble. Who am I kidding, I wasn´t here to get my head clear because I needed to focus on my job. I was here because I didn´t want to fight with him. I didn´t want to leave without seeing him again.

Taking all my courage I left my car and went directly to the back, knowing that he´d probably be at the beach. That´s the place he always went to when he had to think things through. It calmed him down, grounded him and put things into perspective, he once told me.

I was right, I saw him sitting there, the sand still warm even though it was already getting dark. I slipped off my shoes and left them on the stairs of his porch, slowly approaching him. He had his legs stretched out, his arms supporting his weight from behind. He was wearing nothing but his swim trunks and I couldn´t read his face. When I was close enough to touch him, he spoke to me.

"What do you want here?" Not a very promising start and I felt my heart drop. His voice held no accuse it was just a simple question.

"I guess it wouldn´t work to say that I was around." I tried to lighten the mood and all he did was look at me. He didn´t say a word, but his jaw was tense and his lips pressed together. Without waiting for his invitation I dropped myself in the sand next to him.

"I´m sorry Steve." I said, not knowing what else to say. I knew he wouldn´t back off, he wouldn´t admit that he was wrong. And neither would I.

I heard his sigh and felt him relax a bit. He turned his head looking at me and his lips relaxed, but didn´t smile.

"I didn´t want us to fight again, Steve. I don´t know what happened to us lately, whenever we see each other there seems to be nothing more important than fighting." I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. His silence was unnerving and I didn´t know how to continue.

"I had to right to call you irresponsible. I was unfair and I had no right to order you to stay put." Well, I guess you could consider that an apology. I smiled at him, showing him that I accepted his apology.

"I will be careful, I always am. You know that." I reassured him and slowly his face relaxed even more. He moved one hand to my face, tugging a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and I felt myself shiver at the sudden contact. He knew very well what those little, tender gestures were doing to me, but right now he had no other intentions.

I watched the waves rolling onto the beach and the knot that was my stomach for the past hours, loosened a bit. We sat there in silence for a while, both enjoying the silence and the comfort. That´s how it always was with us. We could spend hours just being together without talking. Sometimes even a look would be enough.

We´ve know each other now for more than two years, but we´ve never spend more than a week together. Since he left the Navy just a couple of weeks ago to become the leader of the Hawaiian task force we would get to spend less and less time. Because my schedule was so different from his. That´s what made my leaves even more special, the time we had even more precious.

I didn´t know exactly what we had, maybe you could call it friendship with benefits. We´d meet whenever I was able to and he´d call me every now and then just to talk for a little while. We never talked about it, we never put a label on it. Maybe we were both afraid to put it into words and making it official, because that would mean to face our feelings. I wasn´t even sure what I felt for him. He was sexy as hell, smart, loyal, funny and caring. He definitely could be "Mr. Right", I just wasn´t sure if I wanted him to be that person for me.

I turned to look at him again and I saw that his lips were smiling, a small smile but still a smile. His eyes were staring at the ocean and he was at ease. I stretched my legs close to his, letting them gently brush his. He turned to look at me and the smile grew.

"You still owe me dinner, sailor." I teased. And Steve threw his head back and laughed, loud and full heartedly. God, how I loved his laugh, when he was comfortable and just feeling good.

"You´re always hungry. Come on, I´ll get you dinner." He chuckled and stood up, waited for me to take his hand and helping me up. We were standing close to each other, he still held my hand and I felt the warm sand under my feet. Our eyes locked and I saw the turmoil in them. I smiled at him assuringly and with a sigh he pulled me close.

His arms wrapped around me and I wrapped mine around his waist, hiding my face in his chest. His warmth around me was like a warm blanket and his strong arms held me safely. There was no place on earth I´d rather be right now. I felt completely at ease and I didn´t want this moment to end.

I woke up, completely surrounded by darkness. I felt a soft breeze teasing my naked skin and I enjoyed the warmth that was coming from the warm body behind me, gently holding me. I snuggled up to the warmth, feeling his arms holding me tighter in his sleep. I couldn´t help but wonder how I got here, with him. We were fighting a lot lately, two stubborn alphas, not willing to give in. But here we were now, naked, embracing each other and not willing to let go.

I heard his breathing pattern change and I knew he was waking up. Funny, I should have known that with his instincts and his background he would sense it right away.

"Good Morning." his dark voice, husky from sleep, purred into my ear. I shivered again, this closeness was new to me, but I enjoyed it immensely.

"Hi." I whispered back, afraid to move and destroy this beautiful moment. I felt so safe in his arms, so comfortable. And it didn´t matter that we didn´t get along well in the real world lately, here in the intimacy of his bedroom we got along quiet well.

I felt his lips on my shoulder while he slipped one of his legs between mine, his hand on my stomach pulling me even closer until my curvy ass was pressed against his growing erection. I felt his quick heartbeat against my back and I gave into the sensation. Who cares about what tomorrow will be when you´re in bed with such a hot man? I wasn´t willing to fight now, at least not with words.

"Hmm...," I moaned. "... someone´s happy to see me." He chuckled and I felt a smile grow on my face. I liked him being so relaxed and playful.

"Stop pressing your sexy little ass to me and I might just stop reacting." Then his hand slid up from my stomach to my breasts, gently caressing them and making me moan in response.

"Who said I want you to stop." I giggled when he started tickling me.

"You´re insatiable " was his response and I heard the laughter in his voice.

"Yeah... maybe I should have warned you." Laughing out loud when he turned me around in a swift move, burying me under his strong body.

"Better prepare yourself for some surprises, Miss. Never underestimate a SEAL." I wanted to reply but at the same moment his lips closed around one of my hard nipples, gently sucking it and leaving me speechless.

"Not fair..." I moaned, arching into his touch.

"Never said I´m gonna play fair. Focus and execute." I felt his words against my sensitive skin and giggled again as his stubbles scratched of it.

"You do know that 2 can play this game, don´t you?" With that I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer until he could feel my body react in an unmistakable way. He groaned deep in his chest, involuntarily pushing harder against my core to ease the sweet pain. He licked his lips in a gesture that was so him and closed his eyes for a moment. His hands were buried in my hair and when he opened his eyes again, his gaze was hot and lustful.

"Going for the weak point and focussing on that isn´t exactly fair either." He bit his lip and threw back his head when I slowly grinded myself against him. I moaned too, enjoying this way too much.

"Payback´s a bitch." I held his gaze, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in for a passionate kiss. I´d never admit it to him but watching him react to me was such a turn on. He was sexy and handsome and knowing that I was able to elicit this reactions from him made me feeling very female.

His kiss was making my toes curl and I answered it with equal force. His tongue dove into the warmth of my mouth, teasing mine ever so gently. His body melted into mine and I felt goosebumps rise. When he finally broke the kiss, gasping for air, I was blinking and trying to get back to reality.

My eyes focussed on him slowly and I saw that smirk on his face telling me he knew damn well what he could do to me.

Strangely it didn´t even matter anymore. I wanted to feel him and wanted to lose myself in this. I let my hands wander over the rippled muscles of his back, gently scratching the skin with my fingernails. I heard him purr and I felt this sound vibrating inside myself. He was a tough guy, a typical alpha-male, never surrendering, never giving in and always standing his ground. But right now he was just a man who enjoyed gentleness. I never thought he´d be the cuddly, romantic kind of guy and he wasn´t really. He was still in control and he was still strong, but he let himself get close enough to me to enjoy this sweet torture not just as a foreplay.

His hands cupped my face and he leaned in for another kiss, gentle and sweet this time. He nibbled my upper lip, teasing the outlines with the tip of his tongue. I moaned, trying to kiss him for real but he wouldn´t let me. He drew back and when I looked at him, waiting for his next move but not doing anything myself, he leaned in again. All he would allow me was a tender reply to his kiss, mimicking his movements ever so softly but not demanding anything more.

I felt the wetness between my thighs that his gentleness was causing. He was pushing me without any force, he wasn´t demanding, he was very giving and that caused me to let my guard completely down and allow him to sneak in. I didn´t even realize that at this moment.

When he shifted his weight above me a tiny bit so that his hardness was pressed intimately against my core, I gasped for air, arching against him and my fingernails scratched the skin of his back a little bit harder. I wasn´t able to control my reaction and I didn´t care anymore.

He bit my lip gently in response and then he kissed me finally for real. I felt his body shudder above mine when I feverishly kissed him back, still following his unspoken rule of tenderness. This was driving me crazy, making me moan and shiver with anticipation, begging for more, begging for release.

I heard and felt him moan throatily and I knew he had felt the sudden rush of wetness where our bodies were joined. He drew his head back slowly, holding my gaze and caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. Our breathing was erratic and his slow grinding against me wasn´t giving me any time to catch my breath.

"Please..." I gasped and I expected him to show me his male smirk again. But his face just showed his lust and the erotic promise that he would give me what I needed.

"Tell me what you want." he said huskily and for a second I wondered if we were both talking about the same. I couldn´t quiet put my finger on it but something was going on here, something that scared me. It began as sex, playing, teasing and arousing each other. But this gentleness between us wasn´t expected and I know he didn´t expect it either. We got ourselves in a situation that was dangerously close to falling for each other and I wasn´t sure I was ready for that.

I saw the same look in his eyes, he realized it at the same moment. This was something completely different between us now and we both were unsure how to respond. He licked his lips again and I moved my hand to his face, tracing the outline of his lips with my finger. I was bursting with tenderness, just wanting to give to him. I didn´t really decide, I just reacted. I just allowed myself to give in for the first time in a long time.

"You."

His reaction told me that he did the same. He closed his eyes, gently taking my finger into his mouth sucking on it. He bit down softly and released my finger again, blowing his hot breath against it. His nod was nearly invisible but I saw it. I cupped his face with one hand and stroked his back with the other. I felt him shift again above me and then I felt him slowly entering me.

I pushed my hips up against him, moaning his name and hearing him groan in response. He buried his hands in my hair again, never breaking eye contact. This was so intense it made me tear up. I felt him so deep, so close to my very self. And his eyes were telling me that he felt it too.

When he was buried inside me completely, he kissed my lips gently again. Kissing the tears from my face.

"Shshsh..." he whispered against my lips but I heard the tremble in his voice that showed how overwhelming this was for him as well. It was strangely comforting knowing that I wasn´t alone in this.

"Steve..." I moaned his name and I saw him close his eyes. My voice was full of emotion I wasn´t able to hide.

In a quick move he rolled us over so that I was on top now. I blinked again surprised by this movement. This position made me be in control and I felt new tears in my eyes. His hands held my hips, slowly guiding my movements. His eyes were locked with mine, allowing me to see the man behind the mask that he wore every day.

I drew in a shuddered breath and leaned down to him.

"Hold me." I begged and his strong arms wrapped around me immediately, holding me tightly against him while I buried my face in his neck. His scent was soothing and turning me on at the same time. Our bodies moved together in a slow and erotic motion, where feeling was more important than anything else. The way his hands guided my hips, the way he pushed up into me, the way his breath was teasing my shoulder. All that captured me completely and I focussed just on him. He was my rock in the surf.

We staid like this for a long time, but eventually I felt my orgasm approaching. I couldn´t help it, I sobbed his name, the emotions overwhelming me and he turned us over again. I closed my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck, holding his gaze when I lost it. I arched, writhed and whimpered when release rushed through me like fire. And he followed me just seconds later, his body shuddering violently, his grip around me hardening even further and his head thrown back in pure bliss.

I held him afterwards, feeling our heartbeats slow down and we were both just enjoying the afterglow. He still held me tight, his face in my hair, gently stroking my scalp. I knew he needed to feel me close and he needed this time without talking to find his composure.

After a while he lifted his head and looked at me as if he tried to read something in my face that I wasn´t saying. I showed him myself completely, not hiding any emotion. I would put my guard up tomorrow but tonight was just about us.

"Wow." he smiled down at me and I answered his smile.

"Yeah.. wow!" I agreed. I watched him slide beside me, pulling me with him until my head was resting on his chest and I heard the steady beating of his heart. I gently stroked the skin of his stomach, one leg above his to cuddle as close as I could.

"Stay tonight, Cat." He asked and I nodded. We both needed each other tonight to keep the overwhelming emotions at bay that we both couldn´t handle alone.


	2. 2 months later

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed as well as the ones who added this to their alerts. I really appreciate that.**

**I don´t know how long this is going to be, but for now I can say, it just keeps writing itself. Therefore I´ll continue for a while.**

**Enjoy and let me know what you think.**

* * *

><p>2 months later...<p>

"Hello sailor." I haven´t heard from him in a while but that wasn´t unusual. Our schedules were different, like night and day.

"Hi Cat." His voice was warm and I could heard the smile in his voice.

"Time for another favor?" I asked, expecting this call to be another request for a favor. At least that was how it usually worked, but his next words surprised me.

"No... I actually just wanted to hear your voice."

There was silence on both sides for a while. My heart was beating faster when the meaning of his words sunk in.

"Cat? You´re still there?" he asked.

"Yes... still here. I have to admit though that I´m surprised."

"Hey, I´m trying, okay?" There was the smile in his voice again and I felt myself grinning.

"Oh, I´m not complaining, not at all." I assured him.

"So, when will you return to Pearl?"

"Actually I´m already here. We arrived this morning but I haven´t had time to call." This day had been so busy, packed with debriefs and final meetings, that I didn´t even have time to eat. Let alone think about anything else.

"So, how about you cash in dinner?"

"Perfect! I can´t wait to get out of this uniform and have a steak!" I heard him chuckle.

"If you need help with the uniform, just let me know." I laughed and felt a sudden wave of joy. It was so good to hear his voice and I realized how much I had missed him. It was easy not to thing about it when you´re working long hours in the middle of a war zone. You had to focus on your work, the people relying on you.

"When should I be there?" I asked already making my way to my quarter to grab my bag. I was more than ready to leave this ship. In the next 30 days I´d be civilian and I planed on making the most of it.

"Seven hundred." You´ll never get the Navy out of a SEAL.

"I´ll be there, sailor." I promised, suddenly feeling like a teenager. I haven´t seen him for months now and hearing his voice reminded me of that.

* * *

><p>I got out of my car, taking a deep breath and straightening my short dress. I slipped my shoes off and carried them with me to the back of his house. And there he was, tall, dark and sexy. He wore a jeans and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He was focussing on the grill and my mouth watered at the sight of the two steaks.<p>

"You spoil me, Lt. Commander." I said and made my way to the stairs. He looked up and when our eyes met, a huge smile appeared on his face.

"Hi Sunshine, welcome back." His arms pulled me against his chest and I took a deep breath, relishing in his scent. I dropped my shoes, embracing his waist and tiptoeing to kiss him. I closed my eyes and then I finally felt his lips on mine. I moaned when a sudden rush of warmth spread through me, from my head to my toes. And I was thankful for his embrace, without him I would probably melt into the ground.

His kiss was soft and caring, nothing more than a tease. But it was all I needed right now. When he lifted his head, I heard myself purr and opened my eyes again. He smiled down at me, gently tugging a strand of my dark hair behind my ear and sliding his fingertips down my neck.

"It´s good to have to here." he whispered and there was this gentle tone again.

"It´s good to be back again." I missed you, I added in my thoughts but wasn´t brave enough to actually say those words.

"How about a glass of your favorite Shiraz?" he asked and I nodded smiling. He knew my favorite wine and it was typical for him to have a bottle of it in his fridge when I returned. He was always thoughtful and these little gestures meant a lot to me.

When he went inside to get the wine I realized that for the first time since we knew each other, this didn´t feel like vacation. It wasn´t a visit, but it wasn´t a homecoming either. That would have been too much, too soon. Still it felt good and right to be here and his look when he first saw me told me that he felt it too. It was a mutual understanding.

"Here you go." he handed me a glass, toasting me. "Here´s to... " he started but I interrupted him.

"Here´s to us." I smiled at him and Steve´s nodded approvingly. "To us." We both tasted the fruity, soft wine, our eyes locked the whole time. I saw him swallow the wine, my eyes were drawn to his lips. They were gently curved, strong and full and I loved feeling them on mine... and on every part of my body.

Steve told me to sit down while he took care of the steaks, so I dropped on a near sofa, tugging my feet under and watched him.

"You look awfully satisfied, Steve." I said and chuckled when he threw me a cocky grin. God, this man was so sexy and I felt so good knowing that tonight, he was mine.

"It´s a wonderful, warm night, we have to 2 steaks on the grill and I have a beautiful woman with me. Why should I not be satisfied?" He took another sip and smiled genuinely at me.

"You do know that this is actually the first dinner ever?" I giggled.

"Ouch. Yeah, I guess you´re right." He sounded a tiny bit embarrassed, but I didn´t mind. He took his glass and came over, sitting next to me and pulling me closer. I felt his muscles move and the warmth of his body engulfing me.

"I´m glad you are here, Cat." he whispered and pressed his lips to mine in another gentle kiss. I felt my inside melt and my hand came up to caress his face. He tasted like wine and sun and Steve and I felt myself starving to have more of that. His tongue gently slipped between my lips and I heard his low growl when it touched mine. This was Heaven, pure pleasure. I felt dizzy and I wasn´t sure if it was the wine or his kiss.

When he slowly lifted his head, my hand stayed on his cheek. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other. I´ve never seen his eyes so gentle, so full of... something that I couldn´t quiet put my finger on. But I was sure that I had the same look in my eyes. It just felt right.

"Hungry?" he asked, his voice low and a little husky.

"Very much." I replied, knowing that we were not talking about the steaks. But for once I planned on having dinner with him. We´d have enough time later.

We sat down at the table and when he put one of the steaks on my plate, my stomach grumbled. I blushed and he chuckled. We toasted again and started to eat. It was delicious and I closed my eyes more than once, enjoying the tender meat.

"You know, I missed real food." I admitted.

"THAT is the only thing I don´t miss about being active duty. The food." Steve laughed and I agreed.

We kept the conversation light during dinner. He didn´t ask, because he knew I couldn´t say anything. There was the unspoken rule that we both sticked to. But there were plenty of other things to talk about. It was a comfortable atmosphere and I felt myself relax further. After we finished, he poured us another glass of wine and smiled at me, when he silently lifted his glass to his lips.

He began to tell me about his team, about being the leader of the Hawaii 5-0 task force. It wasn´t easy, he had to get used to being a cop, sort of.

"Being a SEAL or military in general is easier. You get orders and you follow orders. No one questions those orders. Being a cop is different and I am sometimes not sure that this is what I want to do. Surely, this will get me where I want to be, getting my dad´s murderer. And I have a great team. It´s just... " he sighed and I saw the small shadow crossing his face. "Sometimes I think that I´ll never get along in the civil world. I´m not good at that." He looked at me and I saw the little sad smile. I reached over the table, putting my hand over his.

"It will take a while, you´ve been active duty for a long time. But maybe this is also a chance to get a different view on things. And this will also give you the chance to get closer to your sister. It´s not the SEALs, but you´re team seems to be just as strong and capable." I smiled at him, trying to reassure him. I hadn´t realized how hard this was on him.

"They are great. There was a time when I thought that they were the only good thing about being back. But I came to the conclusion that – even though it´s not the military – it´s still having an impact. I change things here, Cat. I´m doing good and … I care about my team. I never thought that this would happen actually, but we´re ohana." He turned his hand under mine and began to draw circles with this thumb on my skin. I ignored the feelings this caused inside me, I wasn´t going to ruin him opening up to me.

"Chin and Kono are a great addition, they are cousins and know almost everyone or know someone who knows someone. And Danny..., " he chuckled and than groaned. "Danny is something else. He´s constantly ranting and bitching and making fun of me, but I know that he always has my back." his voice trailed off and I knew he was thinking about his team. He sighed again.

"You´re right. Danny would probably drag my ass back to base, if he ever founds out I was thinking this way." His tone told me how much his partner meant to him, even though they´ve just been working together for a little more than 2 months. I knew that Dannys rants and his bickering was something that Steve learned to rely on. No matter how much the Detective was getting on his nerves sometimes, he liked the guy. And more importantly he trusted him.

"I won´t tell him." I giggled. Our eyes met and he lifted my hand to his lips, kissing the sensitive spot between thumb and forefinger gently.

"I am really lucky to have you here." he whispered again. And suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt overwhelming tenderness for this strong, tough man. I knew what kept him going and it broke my heart when he called to tell me that his father was killed. He cared about his team, about every single one of them, and he´d do everything in his power to keep them safe. He always put others first, rarely thinking about the consequences.

I didn´t know what to say. Didn´t know how to put the feelings inside me into words. So I got up, walked over to him and sat down in his lap. My hands framed his face and I leaned closer, kissing his lips tenderly.

"You have a great team, Lt. Commander. It´s not wrong to allow weakness, because you know your team has your back. Just as you got theirs. They won´t let you down." I whispered. Steve wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his forehead against mine. Our breath mingled and I felt really close to him at that moment.

I knew that this was a special moment, Steve wouldn´t usually open up to someone. But I think it was easier with me because I knew what he was talking about. I knew the drawback of being in the military.

I don´t know how long we stayed in this position and I didn´t mind. I wished that this moment would never end. I allowed myself to feel his warmth and the connection we shared. When he lifted his head I swallowed a disapproving moan.

"Let´s get this cleaned up and have a walk, okay?" he asked. I looked at him, brushing my thumb over his lips. I´ll admit that I was afraid of this "Now what?" But there was only tenderness in his eyes and I sighed inaudibly. He wouldn´t close me out again. Not yet.

We cleaned everything and then took our glasses to the beach behind his house. It was a warm night, the waves rolled onto the sand gently and the full moon was high above us. I felt so content, so at ease, when my feet felt the warm sand and I curled my toes. Steve held my hand, entwined our fingers. This was a perfect moment.

"How long are you gonna stay this time?" he asked softly.

"30 days leave." I said.

"Gives us plenty of time." he purred, pulling me closer and placing a kiss on the side of my mouth.

"I bet you already have in mind how to use it, hm?" I whispered, leaning against him.

"Positive..." His lips found mine and this time his kiss wasn´t teasing. His tongue slipped between my lips, touching mine. I felt my knees go weak and I leaned against him further, wrapping my free arm around his neck while his arm came around my waist and held me up, pressed against him. God, this man was driving me crazy! I felt like every bone in my body melted and all I could do was hold onto him.

When we finally parted, we were both breathing hard.

"As I said earlier, sailor, you´re spoiling me." My voice was husky.

"Trust me Sunshine, I haven´t even started yet." And with that, he dropped his glass, taking mine and dropped it as well. Then he wrapped both arms around my waist, pulling me close and crashed his lips onto mine in a demanding and hungry kiss that made every reasonable thought impossible.


	3. 2 days later

**Thanks for the reviews and alerts, I really appreciate them! Unfortunately my computer won´t let me reply to reviews most of the time, so please don´t take it personally.**

* * *

><p>2 days later...<p>

I knocked at the white hospital door and then cursed myself. Steve wouldn´t answer me, so there was no need to knock. I opened the door and entered the room, slowly making my way to the bed. I tried to keep my emotions under control but when I saw him in the hospital bed, pale and vulnerable, I swallowed hard. He shouldn´t be here.

"He´ll be okay." A voice from the other side of the room startled me. I turned around and saw a short, blond man sitting on one of those hard, uncomfortable chairs. What really surprised me was that he was actually wearing a tie. No one in Hawaii was wearing a tie. I knew instantly that this was Danny.

"I know. I´m Catherine Rollins." I stretched my hand and he took it, shaking it with a firm grip.

"Det. Danny Williams. Call me Danny. We talked on the phone." he introduced himself and I instantly knew why Steve and he had such a unique connection. They would both probably never admit it but they loved challenging each other. Plus Steve knew he could trust this guy.

"What happened?" I asked, turning back to the bed and swallowing the lump in my throat.

"He was playing Mr. I-am-invincible again." he said and I understood. Steve never took any unpredictable risk but still his unorthodox methods were sometimes hard to understand. He knew his skills and he trusted his instincts, that had saved his life more than once. But this behaviour was probably not working as head of a police task-force.

Danny sighed.

"SuperSEAL here couldn´t wait for back up and went in alone... Well, if he would have just waited a second, I would have been there and prevent him from being shot. But no, he had to act first and think later." There was the famous Danny rant.

"He can be pretty stubborn." I smiled and heard Danny chuckle.

"Yeah... he got the bad guys though."

"What did the doctor say? I tried to catch him but... "my voice trailed of.

"He´ll survive, no serious damage. The bullet went straight through his right arm, but he has a concussion so that´s why he´s unconscious. They say that he´ll recover fully."

I didn´t know I held my breath but now I had to take a deep breath and felt the knot inside my stomach loosen.

"Thank you, Danny." I said and turned to him. He slowly got up and walked over, placing a hand on my shoulder, gently squeezing it.

"He´s my partner, I have his back. Always."

"Don´t let him know I told you, but he likes you." I smiled at him, knowing that Danny would probably use this information when it came handy.

"Aww, really? Stubborn SEAL." He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder again. "I like him too." He whispered.

It took just 2 days and Steve left the hospital. The doctors protested but Steve insisted on going home, he´d be able to recover quicker. So with a prescription for pain killers and some good advices he was released. Danny drove him home and I was standing at the door, greeting them with a warm smile.

Steve´s face lit up when he saw me standing in the door and he waved Danny goodbye.

"It´s impolite to let him give you a ride and then not even asking him to come in." I smiled when he pulled me close with his good arm. The warm sun was shining in my face and I closed my eyes.

"He wanted to go." he murmured. I wrapped my arms around him, happy to feel him close again. The last 4 days have been terrible, from the moment I Danny called until now. I now knew that Steve wanted to make sure I didn´t worry when he wouldn´t return to his place.

We went inside and Steve went straight to the kitchen. He flashed me a thankful smile and poured himself some coffee, took a sip and purred in delight.

"God, this is so good." I went to him, hugging him from behind.

"Welcome home, sailor." I whispered and his hand rested on mine. "I´m glad that you´re okay."

"I´m good, been in worse conditions." I chuckled, acknowledging his wish to not talk about it.

"So, do you want to go to bed and rest?" I asked. It was early afternoon, but I hadn´t slept much while he was in hospital and I knew he´d need to rest.

"Only if you join me."

So we went to his bedroom, undressed and slipped under the blanket, cuddling our naked bodies together. His hurt arm rested in a sling against his chest, the other one held me close to him. One of my legs was thrown over his and I snuggled against him as close as I could, my hand resting above his own on his chest.

"I´m sorry that I ruined your stay here. I certainly didn´t plan on getting shot." His soft voice broke the silence and I sighed.

"Stop it! Nothing´s ruined. You´re here, right?"

I gently kissed his lips and laid down on his chest again, listening to his steady heartbeat. We fell asleep like this, holding each other.

When I woke up it was getting dark outside and a quick look at the clock told me that it was time for dinner. I carefully slipped out of his embrace and snickered inwardly when he didn´t even flinch. It must have been the pain killers that knocked him out. I dressed in my black shorts and a white shirt, brushed my teeth and tied my hair into a ponytail. Then I went downstairs and prepared dinner. The sesame chicken was in the oven and the table set, so I went upstairs. Steve was still asleep.

I kneeled down by his side of the bed and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He woke up immediately, his body tense and alarmed but he relaxed when he saw me. His left hand came up and he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss until we both had to pull away for air.

"How are you feeling?" I asked gently and watched him sit up, sliding his legs off the bed.

"Hungry." His grin was genuine but I saw that he carefully supported his other arm.

"How about you put some clothes on and come downstairs? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." Steve nodded and got up. I admired his delicate backside, the chiseled muscles of his legs and ass. But I forced myself to focus on my task and went downstairs.

When Steve came downstairs I wordlessly handed him two painkillers and a glass of water and he just looked at me. I held his gaze, not backing off. We both knew that he would take them, he was in pain and there was no need to play SuperSEAL, Danny wasn´t around. With a defeated sigh he took the pills and the glass and swallowed them.

"Sit down." I ordered gently and with a sloppy salute he obeyed.

"Just don´t get used to this." he told me.

We ate and laughed, Steve told me about the case and about his team and I enjoyed listening to him. I could tell by the way he spoke about the team, that he was settling in, slowly but surely. Even though he was shot, his voice held much more confidence now than it did 4 nights prior. After dinner I cleaned the kitchen, not allowing Steve to help me. We went outside for a while, lying in his hammock, gently swaying and holding each other. I was glad that he had taken the pills, otherwise his head would be killing him by now. And I that would have been a mood killer.

"This is exactly what I need to recover." he said and pressed his lips to the top of my head. I smiled against his chest, placing a kiss there.

"You just want me to play your nurse." I teased.

"Oh hell, yeah." I felt his fingertips gently caressing my side, ever so softly. His scent surrounded me and his lips were still pressed against the top of my head. Our legs were entwined and I smiled. Sure, I hadn´t planed on playing nurse for my shot boyfriend but... Woah, wait a second? Boyfriend? When did I start to consider him my boyfriend? We haven´t talked about anything related to our relationship and we never put a label on it. Yes, we saw each other as often as possible, we had a lot of fun in and out of bed, but boyfriend? That was certainly new.

Steve sensed me tensing up, I couldn´t control my emotions fast enough.

"You okay?" he whispered and I sighed.

"Yeah."

"Sure?"

"Don´t worry, I´m fine, Steve. I´m not the one being shot." I forced my thoughts back into the that box, locked it and threw the key away. This wasn´t the right moment to think about us or whatever there was between us. Why destroy the beautiful moment?

We stayed like this for another hour until I told him it was time to get some rest. Again he wouldn´t lay down and rest until I agreed to join him. And it felt strangely comfortable to settle into this little routine. It felt good to have his arms around me and hear his breathing when I fell asleep. I know I could get used to it.

I woke up about an hour later, silently listening to Steve´s breathing. I felt his chest heaving slowly and regularly under my head. The room was dark, only lit by the moonlight and a slight breeze was moving the curtains. It was idyllic, calm, but somehow I wasn´t able to enjoy it. My thoughts woke me up and now they wouldn´t let me go back to sleep.

Silently to not wake him up, I slid out of his embrace and out of the bedroom. I froze when he mumbled in his sleep, turned to his good side but didn´t wake up. I sighed inaudibly and moved downstairs. I slipped Steve´s shirt over me head and went outside. Taking a deep breath I enjoyed the cool night air. It´s been hot during the last few days, but at night the cool breeze from the ocean seemed to clean the air and refresh it again.

I sat down on the stairs of the porch and watched the ocean for a while. Going back to sleep would be impossible, not until I would have made some sense in my head. I remembered my earlier thoughts, of Steve being my boyfriend. And I wondered if that was what I actually saw in him. I knew that I usually refused to think about us in any kind of stereotype.

When we first met, there was a huge attraction right away and neither he nor I ever denied it. We were drawn to each other and – both being single – we allowed it to process. We´ve spend a night together and I remember that it had been hard to leave the next morning, but I thought it would be the best to keep it a one-timer. And then he called. And we met again. And since then it just grew. It happened, but neither one of us avoided it, we just allowed it to happen.

I remembered the night about 2 months ago. I guess that was the moment things changed. Were we allowed feelings to surface. It felt so right and so good and I didn´t regret a single moment. But I couldn´t help but ask myself where all this should take us. I was in the Navy, trying hard to work on my career which meant being gone for most part of the year with only short leaves. And he was head of Hawaii 5-0.

Since we first met it seems that fate wasn´t on our side and the obstacles we had to overcome were getting higher and higher. Maybe we weren´t meant to be together. Maybe those short moments were all that were was for us. My head told me that I should guard my heart and enjoy this while it lasted but not hope for more. But why did it feel so right to be with him then? Why did I find myself waiting for him to call? Why couldn´t I wait to leave the ship every time we came back to Pearl?

I felt a soft breeze tousle my hair. It reminded me where I was. I felt tired, my body definitely needed to catch some sleep because the past nights I was only able to sleep for a few hours. But even though I knew I should go back to bed, I couldn´t get myself to actually do it. I felt torn. And angry. I was angry that fate send this gorgeous man my way, let me experience whatever it was between us, and then turn his back on me, saying "Nanananana, this is not meant for you!"

God, I didn´t even know if I was ready for this to become more. If I wanted us to be a couple officially. This would add so many complications to everything and I wasn´t sure if I was ready for that yet. If I would ever be. The Navy was a constant part of my life, a few months ago I would have said, the Navy WAS my life. And it was still a very important part of it, but this guy had found his way into my heart and made himself a home there.

But could this really work? Our lives were so different and so far apart from each other. What if we tried to make it work and suddenly would have to realize that it wasn´t working? That would leave us both heartbroken and I wasn´t sure I would be able to handle that.

"Hey Cat, what are you doing here?" Steve´s soft voice startled me and I jumped up, turning to him.

"Hey..."

"Shshs... it´s me. Sorry, I didn´t mean to scare you." His good arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer. I wasn´t able to say a word, my head was completely empty. Steve sneaking up on me and scaring me, felt as if I was forcefully pulled out of my thoughts and I just couldn´t get back to common ground.

I melted into his embrace, desperately needing his strength. I felt so out of place, wanting to run as fast and as far as I could and at the same time wanting to stay in his arms forever.

"Cat..." he started but I tiptoed and silenced him successfully by kissing him softly. I couldn´t talk to him. Not now.

"Let´s go back to bed, sailor." I tried lighten up my mood and sound as normal as possible but I could tell that Steve wasn´t buying it. Still he acknowledged my wish to not talk about it. At least for now.


	4. 3 months later

**Thank you. I really appreciate ever reaction I get for this story. Even if it´s not whump, not a mysterious case and not a Wo Fat story, I like the fact that some people enjoy reading about these two great characters! I love to hear what you think!  
><strong>

**Warning: M rating for a reason!**

* * *

><p>I watched when Steve came through the door of the headquarters , he looked exhausted and tired. Danny had told me they just had handed a suspect over to the HPD and were finally able to close another case. But after the adrenaline of the chase slowly faded, all that was left was exhaustion. It´s been a long week, next to no sleep and the last hours had been more than stressful. Thank god, no one was shot this time, but it had been close a few times. Still, the case was closed, the job was done and all that was left was paperwork.<p>

"Hey boss, there´s someone waiting in your office." Kono said and her voice was questioning. Steve looked at her, an eyebrow raised in question.

"Oh yeah, an extremely hot brunette! Is there something you want to share, SuperSEAL?" Danny of course jumped on that but Steve just chuckled, shook his head no and turned to his office. He saw me through the glass surrounding his office. When a slow smile spread on his face, Kono´s curiosity grew. Steve opened the glass door to his office.

"Lieutenant." he said, his voice gentle and soft, not fitting his greeting. I had a huge smile on my face when I replied. "Lt. Commander." Two long strides and he was standing right in front of me and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Welcome home, sailor." he whispered before pressing his lips to mine in a hungry kiss. He didn´t care that his team would probably watch him, neither did I. It felt way too good to have him in my arms again after 3 months of only talking to him on the phone.

I was overwhelmed but replied to his kiss equally hungry. It´s been too long since I felt this good. Now granted, I had a job to do and I knew that this meant being gone for a good part of the year. But still it was great to come back to him. When we finally parted, he smiled at me.

"Good to have you back." he said and I smiled at him gently, tiptoeing to press a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Good to be back." I agreed.

We both started to laugh when my stomach suddenly started to grumble, reminding me that it was time for dinner and the last time I hate eaten was about 12 hours ago.

"How about dinner?" I suggested and shivered slightly, when his hands circled my waist and pulled me close against him, telling me that he was hungry too, but not for food.

"My place?" he suggested seductively and I laughed.

"As much as I love the idea, I´m really hungry this time. I think it´s safe to say that we won´t have dinner when we get to your place."

"True. Okay, let me just finish here and we´re good to go." I watched him getting ready to leave and when we both left the office together, he bit his team goodnight. When Danny started to rant about him being impolite for not letting him say hi to me, Steve sighed heavily.

"Cat, this is Chin and Kono. You know Danny already." Steve introduced. I couldn´t help but grin at him and shook everyones hand.

"Don´t mind his grumpy attitude. He usually isn´t like that around women..." Danny started but went surprisingly quiet when Steve shot him a murderous glare. Now, that was starting to get interesting.

"Really now? So tell me, Detective Williams, how does he behave around women usually?" Steve squirmed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. There was nothing to worry, I wasn´t going to give him a hard time. I knew he didn´t see any other women, even though we never actively made a decision as to what we had. But I enjoyed his squirming and decided to let him think that Danny´s words might have gotten him into trouble.

"Danny remember, " the blond Detective answered. "Well, he is..." Danny couldn´t finish his sentence as Steve interrupted him. "We need to go, have a good night and I´ll see you tomorrow." He wrapped his arm around me and let her out of the office. I was sure the team could hear my laughter.

"So... I get it, you´re not allowing Danny to ruin your reputation." I teased him.

"Danny would use every chance he gets to ruin my reputation. But just for the record, I´m a very polite and nice person." Steve said and smiled at me, as if trying to convince me. I didn´t tell him that I didn´t need any more persuasion, I already knew.

"If you say so, Steve." I rested my hand on his knee and left it there until he stopped at a small restaurant. After choosing we looked at each other and Steve reached for my hand, gently stroking his thumb over the skin.

"How long are you gonna stay this time?" he asked and my smile faded.

"Just 2 nights." I said. I had hoped to have more time with him, but once again, the Navy had other plans.

"Well, we´ll have to make sure it´s worth it then." Steve smiled at me, reassuring me that it was okay. He was glad to see me and even though he wouldn´t mind having me around more often, that was all we got. He knew that I loved my job and my career was important to me.

"We will." I agreed and felt relieved.

When we finally got to his place it was dark already. Dinner was spend in a nice restaurant, with a light conversation and laughter. But we both couldn´t wait to get back to a more private location.

We didn´t make it to the bedroom but were all over each other right there in the living room. We moved to his bedroom later, forgetting all our clothes downstairs. When we finally fell asleep, we were both more than exhausted but blissfully happy.

With a pleasurable moan I stretched my body, arching my back off the bed and couldn´t help the smile on my face, when two strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against a lean, muscled body. I purred, moving my foot over his naked leg and giggled when his lips pressed to my neck started teasing me.

I tilted my head to one side, giving him better access. And he took advantage of it right away, kissing the sensitive spot right under my ear and gently flicking his tongue over my earlobe, making me moan. He knew me so well and he loved to make my heart race and my body melt even further into him.

"Good Morning, Lt. Commander." I whispered, my fingertips teasing his neck and causing him to moan this time.

"Good Morning Sunshine. Mmmm... " His purr made me shiver. But when his hands found their way to my waist again, starting to tickle me I laughed out loud.

"Oh stop it, Steve. Please!" I was begging now, laughing, pushing against his hard chest, but it was like I was trying to move a rock. He wouldn´t budge.

"What do I get if I stop?" he asked, attacking my neck again, this time gently biting down on the soft skin.

"Steve! Stop it. Now!" More laughter and more writhing.

"So, what do you offer?" his lips closed around my earlobe, sucking on it and teasing it with his tongue.

"Breakfast?" I asked breathlessly, ready to forget breakfast and everything else and to stay in bed.

"Pancakes?" Steve lifted his head, looking at me hopefully with a smile that made him look like a little boy. And I felt an overwhelming tenderness in my heart.

"If you make coffee, I´ll make you pancakes." I promised, caressing his face with one hand. He bend his head, softly kissing me. Hm... maybe breakfast could wait and I´d have some more Steve before getting up?

"Then get your sexy ass moving." I squealed when he slapped my ass and laughed. With a groan I obeyed, sliding out of bed just when he stood up. My eyes travelled over his body, the lean muscles, his broad shoulders and chest, the tattoos and the taught stomach. He moved closer to me, standing right in front of me, naked and hot as hell. His finger under my chin forced me to look into his eyes and I saw his cocky grin.

"Pancakes. Now." he ordered, before kissing me again softly.

"Yes, Sir. Remind me who made you King?" I muttered under her breath and took one of his shirts and my panties. Dressing quickly I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and combed my hair with my fingers. We passed each other at the door, kissing quickly. Steve entered the bathroom while I went downstairs to get him his pancakes.

It was one of those rare moments that we could share without any pressure, without a case or an emergency. It was just the two of us and I couldn´t really remember when we were this free the last time. We tried to see each other as often as possible, but that wasn´t much. He used to call me whenever he needed help tracing a suspect, but today I was having none of that.

I looked around in his kitchen, smiling that apparently he had cleaned last night before coming to bed. With some quick moves I gathered all the things I needed for my famous blueberry pancakes and started to prepare them. Just a second later I heard him come down the stairs, humming a song. I snickered inwardly, who would have thought that Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett would sing or hum a song in the morning?

"Mmmm... smells so good." he whispered when his arms closed around me and pulled me close against him, his face buried in my neck.

"Coffee. Now." I mimicked his earlier words and he saluted and went to work. Every now and then we would meet in the middle of the kitchen, stop to kiss for a second and then go back to work. Steve sat our plates on the table and soon the delicious smell of fresh coffee and blueberry pancakes filled the room.

Steve´s stomach started to grumble and he couldn´t help the purely male smile on his face. Our late night encounter had burned a lot of calories. In fact, we didn´t even make it to bed the first time.

"Oh, I know that smile, sailor." I teased him, watching him from the side.

"Yeah..." he couldn´t get that smile off his face. It has been a great night. And I hadn´t protested last night either.

"That good?" I asked when he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, his hands flat on my stomach, his chin resting on my head.

"You´re something else, you know that, Cat?" I relaxed against him and for a second I wished things could be like this every morning.

"I know I´m awesome, but thanks for reminding me." I turned my head a bit and when he leaned down, I placed a soft kiss to his lips. Turning in his arms, he deepened the kiss until I parted my lips and welcomed his tongue. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing myself closer to him and enjoyed this moment.

Our kiss heated up when he grabbed my ass and pulled me up against him. He moaned and lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his hips. Never leaving my lips, he reached behind my and took the pan from the stove, switched it off and then grabbed my ass again. I moaned breathlessly, my fingers digging into the muscles of his shoulders and I forgot about the pancakes. I knew Steve felt a different kind of hunger and he planed on having an ample, delicious meal right now.

This time we made it to his bed and when he dropped me, I let myself fall backwards, my arms still wrapped around him. Instinctively he turned, trying not to crash me and I laughed. Our lips found each other again and his kiss made me tremble with desire.

I pulled his shirt over his head, letting my hands wander over his muscles, feeling his skin heat up under my touch. I loved touching him and I´d never get tired to feel him. This man was sin, heaven and seduction. But I also knew how much he cared about his team, how deeply hurt he was when his dad was killed and how he loved being part of his team. He had a soft side to him that he rarely showed, maybe that made it even more special.

His touches were demanding and showed me how much he wanted me. Still they never made me doubt that he respected me and yes, he adored me. He cherished my body, he had proven that countless times last night. No matter how much I had begged him to make me his, to fill me, he had resisted and continued to touch, lick, kiss and seduce me. He didn´t even stop when I sobbed and pleaded, feeling overwhelming desire and ecstasy, yet not feeling enough. And he knew it.

It would make my knees go weak whenever he´d flash me that smile full of male pride and confidence. Or when he´d purr into my ear, whispering naughtily what he´d do to me. Or when he´d throw his head back, giving in to his own release, moaning my name like it was the only thing he could articulate. Steve wasn´t talking much, at least not about his emotions, and that was fine with me. But he´d show me with little gestures that he cared about me. I never doubted that I was special to him. I just didn´t know to which extend.

When I felt him spread my legs and push himself inside me, every other thought was lost. All I cared about was him. He didn´t give me any time to adjust, he held my hands above my head and thrusted into me with slow, deep movements. His eyes held mine and he let me see his hunger and his desire. If he had planned on taking me slowly and gently, he failed miserably. And I didn´t mind the least bit. I wanted more. I needed more.

I arched up against him and his lips found one of my hard nipples, sucking it hungrily into his mouth, making me gasp. I tried to free my hands, dying to touch him, but he wouldn´t let me. I felt him shift a little bit, changing his angle of this thrusts and making me cry out loud when my orgasm washed over me surprisingly fast.

"Steve..." I cried and his kiss was hard, nearly bruisingly, but I replied with equal force. He captured both of my wrists in one hand now and slid the other one over my neck to my breasts. Never once stopping movements inside of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, urging him deeper. I didn´t care if I was shamelessly offering myself to him, it was too good to stop now. Our eyes met and it was the most amazing sight ever. His handsome face was showing his desire, his lips opened slightly, swollen and wet from our kisses. His eyes were burning with want.

Our bodies moved in complete unison. My curves melted into his taught muscles. I felt him tease my hard, erect nipple between his thumb and forefinger, making me gasp his name and arch my back off the bed. I bit my lip, nearly breaking the skin in an attempt to suppress a cry. Pure lust was running through my veins like fire and my skin was burning up, only his touches would prevent me from burning down in flames.

And he touched me, sliding his hand from my breasts over my stomach to where our bodies were joint. I was waiting for his touch, knowing where I wanted to feel him. And he knew that as well, but instead he leaned down, sucking the sensitive skin of my neck. I groaned, silently urging him to touch me. It seemed as if I wasn´t able to get a word out, only moan and gasp and whimper and sob. The need for release grew with ever gentle kiss, every teasing lick and every wet suck on my neck. I tried to urge him to fulfill my desire by tightening my legs around his waist. He moaned, deepening his thrusts, but not giving in.

"Please..." I moaned, trying again to wriggle my hand out of his grip, but he wouldn´t let me. He held me tight, never hurting me. I looked into his eyes again and what I saw made me shiver. He loved the way I reacted to him, he loved being in control, eliciting sounds of pure pleasure from me. I already knew that he could push my boundaries, make me feel more than I could bear and still make me beg for more. He could be the most gentle and caring and giving lover. Or he could be rough, demanding and forceful.

But right now he was neither giving nor forceful. His thrusts were deep, hard and slow, but not enough to make me come. And his touches were soft, gentle and teasing, but too arousing and too sensual to make me relax and calm down. I felt like I was in constant overdrive and God, I loved it.

"Make me come." I whispered, lifting my head to kiss him. He kissed me back, sliding his tongue between my lips, showing me his dominance. All that mattered right now was his kiss and the way he made me feel. I sometimes wished I could watch us both during this. I knew that our bodies were both glistening with sweat, entwined in a million year old embrace.

"Not yet." he said, his voice strangled with lust.

"Stop playing with me!" I cried.

"You love it." his purred and I knew he was right. Still it wasn´t enough, he was constantly pushing me towards the edge but not allowing me to step over.

"I can´t..." I started but wasn´t able to end the sentence, when he quickened his pace.

"I know you can. You´re not done yet, Cat." His hand pressed down on my stomach gently, making me cry in ecstasy. So close, so goddamn close...

"Tell me what you want." he whispered and his voice, thick with desire and want, made me open my eyes.

"I want to come." I answered, forgetting all about not giving in. With him it was easy to surrender and it was okay. I knew he´d hold me and he´d be with me all along.

"How much do you want to come?" he asked, his voice dropping a level.

"Badly!" I gasped and then his thumb pressed against my clit, circling it with slow, delicate movements. He kissed me again, his tongue thrusting inside my mouth, mimicking the pace, his hips between my thighs dictated. I was lost in a world of heat, want and emotion.

"Look at me." he demanded when he broke the kiss and I obeyed. Our eyes locked and he started to increase his pace once more, deepen his thrusts while his thumb pressed against my clit, not moving only applying pressure.

And I lost myself in his eyes when I came, when he finally pushed me over the edge. The intensity of my orgasm blocked out everything else, all I saw and felt and knew was him. It felt like an eternity until I came back down to reality. He was still buried inside me but he let go of my hands so I could wrap my arms around him. He held me, tightly pressed against his fast beating heart, his heavy breath cooling my heated skin.

"My turn." I whispered and flipped him over, straddling him and looking down at him.

TBC


	5. Flashback  How we met

**This is the first flashback to reveal a little bit of their past. Every now and then I´m gonna add one of the flashbacks to provide some background history about them. **

**I´d LOVE to know what you think! **

* * *

><p>I knew I didn´t want to be here. This was my first night back in port, back in the civil world and I could think of a better way to spend it, then being in a loud, crowded bar with my so called friends. I´ve been on board of a ship for the past 4 months, imprisoned with these people and no privacy. I didn´t even understand how I got here, but apparently I needed to work on my ability to say no.<p>

I carefully nipped on the strong drink in front of me and watched the people around me. I was fascinated by their ability to change back to being civilian in an instant. They were laughing and they were loud and just having a good time. It seems that I was the only one who had a hard time letting go and forcing my thoughts away from the past mission. Maybe it was because I was a newbie, because this was my second mission and I didn´t have a routine yet that would help me to ground myself and shut out what had happened.

"Hey Catherine, stop brooding! We´re back, we´re alive and you need to relax!" Jenna´s voice startled me and I forced a smile on my lips. She didn´t seem to realize it was fake, or she didn´t care because she instantly turned away and pulled another guy to the dance floor. I sighed inwardly. I didn´t want to be here, it didn´t feel right. My eyes wandered around. There were so many people here, the music was too loud for my liking and the smoke made my eyes tear up. I didn´t belong here.

Suddenly a movement at the bar caught my eyes. There were a bunch of guys and I immediately knew they were Navy. You can see it in the way they carry themselves, always with confidence and pride that could be misinterpreted as arrogance. They were ordering another round of drinks and all female eyes in the room were drawn to them. At least the ones that weren´t military. And that were a lot. They were tall, all 4 of them, wearing casual clothes. Being here in Coronado made me think that they were probably SEALs, the way they behaved just confirmed my thoughts.

For a brief second my eyes met with one of them, a tall, dark and extremely good looking guy. I felt heat beginning to spread through me and shook that feeling off. I was in a bar, where most women just were looking for someone to get laid. Preferably by a sailor. And I certainly didn´t want to give anyone the impression that I was one of those women. Still I couldn´t turn my eyes away and I saw the small smirk on his full lips. He lifted his beer and toasted me and I finally looked away, trying not to blush.

"Catherine, you should go over there and get one of those guy to warm your bed tonight." Jenna´s voice teased me. Her voice was painfully loud due to the amount of alcohol she already had. I glared at her, killing her in my thoughts, slowly and painfully. This woman was a damn good officer and I knew I could trust her with my life, but as soon as she changed from her uniform to civil clothes, she went crazy.

I grabbed my drink and said "I think I´m heading back. Have fun and I´ll see you tomorrow." I turned and ignored her calling my name. I made my way back towards the entrance which meant passing the bar, when I felt someone grab my arm and pull me around.

"Come on Catherine, we just got back. You can´t leave." Jenna swayed a little in front of me and I instinctively grabbed her arm to steady her.

"Jenna, go back." I tried to raise my voice over the music. My eyes searched for one of the guys and Jim nodded, coming over.

"Hey Cat, you´re leavin`?" he asked, wrapping his arm around Jenna´s waist.

"Yes, you´ll take care of her?" I asked, knowing that Jenna was in good hands. Jim was tall and strong as a bear and I knew he had a secret crush on the tall blonde girl.

"You know I will. You´re okay?"

"Yeah, just not in the mood for this. I´ll head back and will see you tomorrow."

"Take care."

"I always do." I watched Jenna hug Jim and giggle something inside his ear, that made him blush. He turned and guided her back to the table. I turned around to leave, carefully avoiding to bump into someone. But just when I was about to leave, two guys started to yell at each other, standing there aggressively gesturing. I thought about making my way out quickly but before I could do so, I felt two strong hands wrap around my waist and pull me back. Just in time, as I saw a fist landing forcefully in one of the guys face, making him stagger and hit the floor just where I had been a second before.

"Careful." A low, slightly husky but strangely soothing voice murmured into my ear and I calmed down. I turned my head, finding myself face to face with the dark stranger at the bar, his hands still around my waist. His face was serious and I saw that his eyes were blue. His friends decided to intervene and drew the two guys apart, placing them on chairs.

I took a step back and turned to him.

"Thanks, I guess I wasn´t leaving fast enough." I saw him nod and a genuine smile crossed his face . I couldn´t help but smile back. This guy was dangerously sexy, tall and I had to look up to him. He leaned against the bar, comfortably. He was muscled, filling the shirt in all the right places. His jeans showed long, strong legs. He slowly drew back his hands and grabbed his beer. For a second I was able to see a tattoo on his arm.

"Leaving already?" he asked and I nodded.

"Not in the mood to party." I placed my drink on the bar behind him.

"Why are you here then?" his eyebrow rose questioningly and he smirked again. I thought about what I must look like for him. He probably thought I was one of the women who came here to find a one-night-stand.

"My friends. I don´t know how I ended here, I was sure I said no." I smiled at him and he nodded again.

"Yeah, same here." His eyes held mine and I felt it like a caress. His gaze was intense and I wasn´t sure if he was flirting with me or not.

"Well, I better..." I started, trying to say goodbye politely before I made a fool of myself.

"Hey, that was smooth, man!" His friends came back, commenting on his rescue mission when he had pulled me out of the way.

"Don ´t you want to introduce us, Commander?" a tall, black guy asked and when said Commander didn´t react, he extended his hand. I took it and he held mine in a firm grip.

"Lieutenant Phillips, Ma´m, at your service." he introduced himself. "This is Lt. Boulder, Michaelis and your savior is Lt. Commander McGarrett." I shook hands with Boulder and Michaelis as well and nodded to my savior.

"Lt. Catherine Rollins, nice to meet you." I introduced myself and smiled when I saw the slightly surprised look on McGarretts face.

"Wow, out of all women in Coronado you had to save a Navy ass?" Michaelis laughed and slapped McGarretts shoulder.

"No offense. Lieutenant." he apologized and I laughed.

"Don´t worry, I´m off duty right now. I was just about to leave." I smiled at them, nodded to McGarrett. "Thanks for saving my ass, Lt. Commander." I saluted and left. Outside I took a deep breath, enjoying the cool breeze. I could still hear the music. I slowly turned to the parking lot and towards my car. I felt better now, even though I regretted not being able to talk to Lt. Commander McGarrett. I had to admit, I found him attractive.

"Lieutenant." I heard footsteps behind me and slowed down, but still making my way to my car. "Catherine." I stopped and turned and saw McGarrett running towards me.

"Lt. Commander." I said, instinctively standing at attention.

"My name is Steve, Catherine." I relaxed, acknowledging that this was private.

"Are you okay?" he asked and I nodded. Suddenly I was aware of the fact that the light was dim, only a few street lights were shining. And his gaze was upon me again, making me nervous. I cursed myself. Since when did a man do that to me? I usually didn´t react like this, I had my career and wouldn´t allow myself any distraction. But somehow this didn´t work with him. He was attractive, very sexy, and I remembered the feeling of his hands around my waist pretty well.

"Thank you again, Lt. Commander." I started, but he interrupted me.

"Steve remember?" he flashed me a smile and for a second I thought my knees would get weak. The smile was bright and a little arrogant, manly and I couldn´t help but admire the curve of his lips.

"Steve." I repeated, my eyes still on his lips. If I could see me right now, I´d be embarrassed to stare at his lips shamelessly.

"Wanna go for a walk at the beach?" he asked and I blinked in surprise. Steve seemed to be surprised as well, but quickly recovered, showing me his smirk. I really should say no.

"Okay." I said. I gestured to my car and he walked me to my car, holding the door open for me and then sat down in the passenger´s seat. He guided me to a secluded beach a bit out of town. For a second I thought that I might have made a mistake, leaving with a total stranger. But then again, I don´t know what it was about that man, but I trusted him. And I wasn´t a naïve or helpless little girl either. When I turned off the engine, he got out and again, opened the door for me. He held out his hand and I took it. He didn´t let go, not even when we were at the beach. I stopped and slipped of my high heels and enjoyed the warm, fine sand under my feet. My toes curled into it and I sighed.

"That feels so good." I heard him chuckle and that sound made me laugh too. He still held my hand and I realized that he had slipped off his shoes as well. We walked towards the water and I tried to memorize the scenery. The full moon was shining down on us, giving enough light to see the smile in his face. The stars were bright and the waves were softly rolling onto the beach, while a warm breeze was messing with my hair. It felt great. Plus, the handsome man by my side who still held my hand. I shivered, when his thumb slowly started to brush over my hand.

"So, you´re a SEAL." I said, finally breaking the silence. It wasn´t a question.

"Yes, Ma´m." he said and I giggled.

"My name is Catherine."

"Okay Catherine," I heard the smile in his voice and the little husky timbre in it, send a shiver down my spine. "How long are you gonna stay?" he asked. I looked up at him, smiling. This should be interesting.

"30 days leave, at least that´s what it looks like now. You never know though." I heard him laugh and this was such a sexy sound.

"So, Cat, what do you plan on doing with 30 days leave?"

"I don´t know yet. I think right now is a pretty nice start of my leave."

Steve stopped and so did I. We looked at each other, our eyes locked, the moonlight allowing me to see the expression of his face. His eyes held mine and his gaze was intense. He put his hands on my waist again, slowly pulling me closer so I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck. I started to move my fingertips over his skin and suddenly found myself flush against his hard, chiseled body. I held my breath when I felt him so close. His eyes moved to my lips and I wetted them with my tongue.

He looked me in the eyes again as if asking my permission. It was a cute and very loving gesture and I only reacted on instinct. I tiptoed and pulled his head down and then our lips met. My heart skipped a beat just to start racing again. My lips tingled and I tightened my grip on his neck when my knees went weak. Steve wrapped his arms around my waist and held me against him when he deepened the kiss.

I heard myself moan when his tongue slowly teased my upper lip. I melted against him and kissed him back, giving in to his dominance. He played with me, teased me and made me just want more. When his tongue slipped between my lips, I moaned again. And when I gently caught his lower lip between my teeth, I heard him growl.

We kissed for an eternity, both not willing to give in. It was like a dance, slowly approaching, teasing, seducing and then withdrawing, just to start the game again. Finally we broke the kiss, both breathing heavily. His hand moved up to my face, gently tugging a strand of my hair behind my ear and then sliding down the side of my neck.

"I should let you get back home." he whispered but I didn´t feel like leaving at all. I didn´t want this evening to end.

He smiled at me and stepped back, taking my hand again, we started walking back to my car. This time he drove, gently placing his hand on my knee and leaving it there the whole time. We looked at each other every now and then and with every look, with every smile, with every little smirk, my body temperature was rising until I though I was burning inside. My body reacted to his mere presence and I felt desire rush through me.

I couldn´t remember the last time I reacted so strongly to a man... if ever. But here I was and I suddenly asked myself what I´d have to do to get him to spend the night with me. I was shocked a little by my own bluntness, but I couldn´t help but want this man. I bit my lower lip, trying to find words or a gesture, just something to show him what I wanted. But I found myself being strangely self-conscious and shy.

"You okay?" I met his eyes and found out that he was watching me intently.

"Yeah..." I sighed and cursed under my breath.

"Wanna go for dinner tomorrow?" I heard myself ask and his smile grew wider.

"I´m gonna pick you up this time." I laughed and suddenly felt like teenager with his first crush. I´d see him again tomorrow. At least he was interested enough to have dinner with me. Didn´t sound too bad.

We stopped at the bar again, where we met, because his car was still there. He turned to me and kissed me, ever so gently this time. It was just a short lingering of his lips on mine but it fueled my hunger for this man. I wrote my address down quickly and handed it to him. When he got out, I did the same, walking around my car and waited for him to get to his car. I watched him pull out his keys and unlock the dark SUV.

"Hey Commander." I asked and he turned around, his eyebrow raised questioningly.

"Yeah Lieutenant?"

"Thank you." I smiled at him and he returned his smile. I saluted and he mimicked my gesture. And while this gesture showed respect and acknowledgment, his smile definitely was flirtatious.

We shared one last look and then I took off, feeling tired but at the same time excited and curious. I was looking forward to seeing him again.


	6. Leaving again

**I know this is a bit short, but I wanted to upload at least something. Thank you for the revies and alerts.**

* * *

><p>When I woke up it was still dark outside, the moonlight lit the room in a silver light and I heard Steve´s steady breathing. He was asleep and I tried to keep my breathing calm to not wake him up. He lay on his back, one arm over his eyes, the other resting on his stomach. He looked so relaxed and peaceful and I loved watching him like this. He seemed completely at ease, confident and I wished he´d be like this more often.<p>

We had spend a very relaxed evening, talking about everything and nothing. I think we killed 2 bottles of wine but I didn´t care. It´s been a wonderful evening that we both didn´t want to end. My ship was leaving port tomorrow again, early. I felt my heart weighting heavy at the thought of leaving him again. I grew so used to being around him. I loved my job and I loved the responsibility that came with it. Still leaving Steve was hard, every single time.

It was funny but it took me some time to get back to the routine on board. Coming back to him though was easy and I immediately felt different around him. His voice soothed me and his embrace made me feel like right then and there – in his arms – was the safest place on earth. Whenever he kissed me for the first time after I get back, it felt like the very first kiss, because I could feel the months of being apart in the kiss. And the promise that there were many more to follow until I have to leave again.

I never knew for how long I would be gone. I never knew if it would be 4 weeks or 4 months. It got easier after a few days, because all I could do was focussing on my job. During the day I was able to avoid thinking about him, because I had a job to focus on. When I was alone though, at night or at the end of a long day, my thoughts would go back to all those memorable moments with him.

And there were plenty of wonderful moments with him. He was a genuine, loyal and strong man with high morals, who cared deeply for his team and his sister. I remember Mary Ann, I had met her during my first stay on Oahu. Not a pleasant memory though, I chuckled inwardly.

"You should go back to sleep, Cat, it´s still to early." his whisper startled me and I looked up to see him looking at me.

"I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to wake you up." I whispered back. His hand moved up under my hair to gently stroke my neck.

"Are you okay, Cat?" he turned to face me. My eyes were drawn to his face and I starred at him, as if I wanted to mesmerize every single line, every curve and every expression on his handsome face.

"Yeah, I just woke up and couldn´t go back to sleep." I leaned into his touch, my eyes never leaving his.

"Come here." he murmured and pulled me against his chest. I nestled against his side, my head resting on his chest, right above his steady and soothing heartbeat. He entwined our fingers on his stomach and rested his chin on my head. I smiled, feeling comfortable and safe in his arms. That was something that still surprised me, even after knowing him for nearly 4 years now. In his arms I forgot everything else, every problem, every danger and every worry. I felt safe and protected and comforted.

"I don´t want to say goodbye tomorrow," he whispered and when I wanted to sit up to look at him and say something, he soothed me down again, holding me tightly. "I know it´s inevitable. Remember, I´ve been down that road myself. I know that you have to leave... I still don´t like it. I´ll see you again when you come home, right?" I felt his thumb brush over the soft skin of my arm, from the fingertips to my shoulder. I doubted that he realized that he just said when I come home. Home. Confusingly that didn´t sound wrong, because here, with him, that was more home than any other place on this planet.

"Of course." I kissed the warm skin of his chest.

"How about we rent a boat next time and spend some time offshore? Just you and me?" he whispered.

"Mmmmm," I purred. "You´re spoiling me again, sailor." I heard him chuckle tiredly.

"Not at all. I just want you all to myself without any distraction."

"Sounds great, Steve." I murmured, snuggling closer to him.

"We don´t have nearly enough time for us, and I want to make every moment we have special." he whispered and I knew he was slowly drifting off to sleep.

"It is special, Steve." I whispered.

"Don´t want you to forget..." I heard his breath even out.

"Forget what?" I couldn´t help but ask.

"Me..." I froze in his arms. Did he really just say what I heard him say? He didn´t want me to forget him?

"I could never forget you." I whispered nearly inaudibly, but still I felt his arms tighten around me and pulling me closer. He didn´t say anything, probably already asleep, but his body reacted to my words.

It took me a while to calm down enough to go back to sleep.

The next morning came way too soon. I knew he was awake before me, long before our alarm went off, but it felt too good to be in his arms, his warm body pressed against me, holding me tightly. I didn´t want to leave. I just wanted to stay like this forever.

"Good Morning, Sunshine." he whispered, sensing that I was waking up too.

"How late is it?" I moaned, hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

"4.30am." His warm hand slid over my back, making me shiver with the gentle touch.

I groaned. Damn, back to the real world already. I felt torn between the need to stay here and not leave him. And the wish to be a good Lieutenant, to do a good job, to fulfill my duty.

"Hey sleepyhead..." his voice teased me and I pressed my lips to his neck.

"Don´t wanna get up." I murmured against his skin, feeling his arms wrap around my naked body.

"Been way too short this time." he whispered and I knew that he really meant it. I knew that he cared for me. Deeply. He wouldn´t mind having me around more often and quiet frankly, I didn´t mind either.

"I´ll be back before you remember me." I assured us both, forcing myself to sound light and confident.

"Yeah... like it would take me 2 months to think of you again." His left hand moved to my hair, gently brushing some strands out of my face.

"Oh, you´ll forget me as soon as I ´m out your door." I teased, only partly making fun.

"Yeah, probably. As soon as I see all those women lining up at my door, I´ll forget you." His fingertips found the pulse under my ear, gently rubbing over it.

"I knew it. But don´t feel bad about it, with all those toned, muscled guys on board I won´t have time to miss you either." My fingertips followed the outlines of the tattoo on his chest, marveling in the softness of his skin.

"You´ll miss me." he said, sounding terribly confident and cocky, while his fingertips gently brushed over my lower back.

"You think?" I laughed and kissed his chest.

"I know it."

"Oh really now? Mr. Irresistible, hm?"

"Yeah, I just have that effect on women, you know?" I heard the laughter in his voice and slapped his chest playfully.

"Sounds like Danny was right about the way you treat women, huh?" I teased him. Steve got serious suddenly and placed a finger under my chin, lifting it so he could look me in the eyes.

"We´re both pretty good at avoiding what it is we have between us, Cat. And I´m not sure we´re ready to go there yet. But you should know that as far as I´m concerned you and I are exclusive." His eyes held mine, his face serious and full of... something, that I couldn´t quiet put my finger on. But I knew that he was honest.

"Just joking, sailor." I smiled at him, not ready to get into that just yet. Inside me though I was bursting with joy. He had been the first to voice that what we had was actually more than just sex. There WAS more, no way denying that. And even if we didn´t put a label on it, we both knew that it was special. And that was all that mattered to me right then.

I moved my head closer and kissed him gently, feeling his warms lips under mine. When his arms closed around me to pull me closer, I felt the warmth of his skin engulf me. And the feelings his words had caused warmed me from the inside. I felt a laughter inside me starting to rise and I tried so hard to suppress it. But it was getting harder and harder to fight it and finally I gave up and giggled, our lips still locked in a tender kiss.

I felt a smile grow on his own lips and only seconds later we were both laughing, holding each other. It felt too good to be this playful and careless.

"I get it you´re not mad at me then, huh?" He laughed, rolling me over so that I was on my back, with him towering over me. My hands slid from his chest to his neck, pulling him down for another sweet kiss.

"Not at all." We both got serious again, but our eyes held each others gaze and his hand came up to frame my face and let his thumb gently brush over my cheek.

His eyes told me all the things that his mouth couldn´t say and I couldn´t look away. Maybe he didn´t even realize how much the tender expression in his eyes told me. Maybe he didn´t realize the way his thumb was over and over again brushing over my check as if he wanted to burn the feeling of my skin into his memory. Maybe he didn´t realize the thumping of his heart, the way it adjusted to the pace of my heart.

When he leaned down to kiss me this time, I felt my eyes tear up as there were too many emotions inside. And then he wrapped his arms around me and held me, assured me and soothed me. And I felt like everything would be okay. We would be okay.


	7. Leaving  Steve POV

**I thought it would be nice to see what Steve thinks about all this. Being a man AND a Navy SEAL he isn´t really the kind of guy for big words, but sometimes it´s more important what he doesn´t say. **

**Thank you all for the nice reviews and alerts. I really appreciate that and I hope you stay tuned! Let me know what you think!**

**Btw. don´t own anything. They´re not mine, I just like to play with them**!

* * *

><p>Steve lifted his head from the paperwork he was doing and looked at his partner, who stood in the doorway, arms crossed and smiling his cocky grin.<p>

"You need something, Danno?" he asked. He wasn´t ready for another round of Dannys ranting yet.

"Yeah, an explanation would be nice." Steve sighed inwardly, he should have known his partner wouldn´t let go.

"What for?"

"Well, you could start with why Mr. SuperSEAL left the rest of his task force to work on a case without – and I might add, for the very first time since he is leading this task force – without giving any instructions." Danny left the doorway and slumped down in a chair in front of Steve´s desk.

"I´m sure it wasn´t the first time." Steve said.

"Let me think…. Yes, yes it was the first time, at least as far as my underprivileged mind is telling me."

Steve sighed. "Danny, what the hell do you want from me? Are you mad at me? Fine, I´ll apologize. If not, I´d recommend you let me get going with the paperwork."

"I know you lack in social skills, Mr. Untouchable, but as your partner I think you owe me an explanation as to why you didn´t come to work yesterday. You look like you haven´t slept all night and if your momentary state of mind is putting me in any danger, I think I deserve to know upfront."

"First, I owe you no explanation as this is none of your business. And second, thanks for worrying about my state of mind as you put it so nicely, but I´m fine." Steve focussed on the paperwork in front of him again he heard Danny take a deep breath.

"Oh and Danny? I DO have a private life and I´d really appreciate it if you could respect that." Danny exhaled soundly, looking at Steve somewhat surprised. Now he was really worried. His partner never had been like this, refusing to give him even the slightest hint on what was going on. Not only that, he was defensive, verbally pushing Danny away. Because it wasn´t only that Danny was his partner, a fact that Steve easily could ignore. But Danny was also his friend, maybe his only friend right now. And being rude and shutting him out, was not like Steve. Granted, he wasn´t big on sharing emotions and all, and that was fine with Danny, but this was different. He wouldn´t be Danno though, if he´d accept that.

"So it´s that girl, right?" he assumed, watching Steve intently. But Steve didn´t flinch and his face showed no emotion.

"What was her name? Catherine? Yes, Catherine." He heard Steve sigh and knew that he was right.

"She´s a cutie." Danny teased, knowing that he´d probably push his luck. But he was worried. He had never seen his partner like that before.

"I know that you know her from your time being a SEAL, the question I´m asking myself is, how close you are. And from the way you reacted in your office two days ago, you are pretty close."

Steve dropped his pen, leaned back in his chair and watched his partner, trying to stare him down. But he should have known that Danny wouldn´t even blink. He´d wait until the end of days to get the answer he wanted to hear.

"Okay, you won. You are right." He said, knowing that his partner wouldn´t be satisfied. But before Danny could say something, he continued:"That´s it, Danny!" His voice making clear that he wouldn´t answer any more questions or give away anything else.

Danny looked at him, seeing the dark circles under Steve´s eyes showing that he hadn´t slept, at all probably. And there was something about him, something pained and distant. Danny decided to let it go for now. He got up and walked away, turning around at the door.

"You know, everyone of us needs someone else, even you do, Steve. We need someone to be worth all that shit we´re put through. Maybe she´s that someone for you." he said and his tone was serious, holding a hint of sympathy for his partner. Steve looked up and Danny saw confusion and turmoil in his eyes.

"Be careful." Danny said and he didn´t mean possible physical injuries. Steve gave him a small nod, acknowledging his partners concern.

Steve rested his head against the end of his couch and stretched his legs, closing his eyes. With a content sigh he gulped down half of his beer and forced himself to relax. But he should have known that it wasn´t working this way. Dannys words were constantly repeating in his head.

He had said Goodbye to Catherine this morning, after spending the last two days with her, wanting to have as much time with her as possible. This had been nothing more than a short stop-over and he couldn´t shake the feeling off, that it would take a long time until he´d see her again.

Danny was right, he had called to say he wouldn´t come in and told them to get him on his mobile in case of emergency. And it had been the first time ever that he stayed away from work without being injured or on a mission. But somehow he wasn´t able to break up their 48 hours together and he wasn´t willing to let any case, any emergency or any other conflict come in between. He knew that wasn´t like him, and honestly, he didn´t feel like himself right now at all.

Her ship has left Pearl this morning. That itself wasn´t a problem, that´s how they met and that´s how they worked. But after saying Goodbye and seeing her smile at him one last time, saluting and then leaving... it left him feeling torn.

He sighed deeply. Damn, why was he feeling this way? It´s not like they said Goodbye for the first time. If he was honest with himself he had to admit that something had changed between them. There has been a depth and understanding between them, that he hadn´t expected.

It should have been sex, and nothing more. No commitment. And definitely no emotional involvement. But this woman slowly had found a way inside his heart and he found it harder to resist every time he saw her. Hell, he even had started to call her without any specific reason. Just to hear her voice. Danny would surely find that quiet amusing. But even Steve had to admit to himself that he really cared about Cat, deeply. She was a buddy, a good friend, but still she was so much more. He didn´t think he´d grow tired watching her sleep. Or watch her cook. Or just feel her in his arms.

Steve sighed deeply. There was something changing between them and he didn´t know if he was ready for that yet. He didn´t know what Cat thought about all of this. But he remembered that she was distant at times, as if she was lost in her own thoughts. Of course it could have been a mission, but he doubted that.

The conversation earlier this morning had been the first time that he really had voiced that he didn´t want her to leave. And that he knew there was something they needed to talk about. He would have expected her to make the first move, she was a woman, and from his limited experience he knew that women loved to talk about emotions and all. But he had been nearly asleep. His guard was down. And he had said more than he would have normally done.

Actually it was plain and simple. He missed her. He already missed her and it wasn´t even 12 hours since she had left. It was fun having her around. But he knew that this wasn´t the whole truth. It was more than that. He wasn´t the guy to sugarcoat facts, but this time he found it incredibly difficult to admit the truth to himself.

They had spend the last 48 hours of her leave together. And it had been awesome. He felt comfortable with her around. And he even found himself thinking that he wouldn´t mind having her around more often. He wasn´t used to feeling this way with another woman. Not to that extent. Being at ease and comfortable didn´t really describe what he felt. It was just... just right. Like she belonged there. In his bed, his bathroom, his kitchen, his arms, his thoughts.

He hated feeling this insecure. This torn. This... incomplete. Being with her made everything easier. He rarely had nightmares when he held her in his arms. He didn´t feel obliged to be in control, because he knew that she wouldn´t damn him for letting it slip. And the little things that she did when they were together, made everything so precious.

The way she´d smiled at him when she woke up. The way she´d hand him a mug of hot, black coffee in the morning. How she´d listen to his job and to him talking about Danny. No one understand how much he appreciated this short New Jersey detective in his life, as his friend. Or simply the way she knew that when he´d sneak up on her, wrap his arms around her and have his way with her, it was his way to say that he needed to feel her close.

She became so much more to him than he had originally intented. He wasn´t used to needing someone, he had learned to only rely on himself. When his mother died and his dad had send him and Mary Ann to the mainland, it felt like he was cut off his roots. He was born in Hawaii and he grew up there. This was his home and he never thought he´d have to leave it.

But things had changed, his whole life had changed and all that was left for him to do was adjust to the new situation. Without having something to build his life around. When he joined the Navy, he finally found something that gave his life a new meaning, a new purpose. He loved being a SEAL. Maybe it had been the idea of following orders and letting someone else make the decisions. But maybe it was more being responsible for the men in his unit, finding a reason to survive.

It was his own decision to leave the Navy and to be head of the Hawaii 5-0 task force. But again, he found himself having a team that he felt responsible for, that he´d risk and give his own life for. They were his reason to survive now. His ohana. They helped him without even knowing it. Well, maybe Danny knew, but he hadn´t said a thing yet.

And then there was Catherine. She wasn´t ohana, she wasn´t his team. But she was the reason for him to get up every single time he stumbled. She didn´t rely on his military background. She didn´t rely on him having her back during a dangerous case. She didn´t want him to be strong and protect her. She just wanted him to rely on her. She called out for his humanity, for the little boy inside that needed to be held and comforted. She knew more about his essence than anyone else, even more than Danny.

He didn´t know how that had happened. How this slender, pretty woman with her strong will had found her way into his heart and become more than an one-night-stand. At first it had just felt comfortable to have her around and to see her every now and then for some one-on-one fun. But it had turned into something more.

He gulped down the rest of his beer and placed the empty bottle on the table. Stretching out on the sofa, resting his head on one of the pillows, he lay there in complete silence, only the TV lightening up the room. His thoughts were running wild and he felt unable to get them to make sense. He wasn´t even sure if he wanted to know what he felt for Catherine, if he wanted to dig into it and come up with an answer that would only add complications to his life.

She was gone now. For god knows how long. There was nothing he could do and he didn´t have time to think too much about it. Right now he had other things to do. Finding Victor Hesse and Wo Fat were his top priority and he couldn´t deal with all these emotions. It was easier dealing with his job and all its challenges than trying to listen to his heart and live by it.

He´d think about Catherine later and try to put his feelings into words. Later, when he would have caught Hesse and Wo Fat. And every other criminal on Hawaii. Later.


	8. Flashback Part 2  Dinner

**This is the 2nd part of the Flashback, remember she asked him out to dinner? This is what happened. I hope you enjoy.**

**I´ll be away next week for a business trip for a few days, no way to upload. So I might spoil you this weekend with a bit more. Only if you want to of course. Unfortunately I can´t reply to the wonderful reviews I got. Just note that I really, really appreciate them, every single one of them. Thank you so much!**

**As usual, not owning anything!**

* * *

><p>When it knocked on the door of my small one bedroom apartment the next evening, I nervously checked myself in the mirror again. I was looking good, feminine. Instead of my camouflage I wore a dark blue dress, ending shortly above my knee, high heels and my hair was curling around my shoulders. The small golden necklace that my mom had given me was the only jewellery. I drew in a deep breath, trying to calm down my beating heart.<p>

I turned to the door, swallowing quickly and then opening it. There he was, wearing black suit pants and a white button down shirt. He was sexy but what caught my eyes immediately was his cocky grin and the way he leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Hi." I said, clearing my throat when I heard my voice being husky and a tad too low.

"Hi, you´re beautiful." I melted. I literally melted inside hearing his voice and feeling his eyes on me, taking in my whole form. I could tell that he liked the dress and I was glad I chose this. I didn´t get the chance to wear dresses often, so whenever I was able to, I did. And this was the perfect moment to wear it and feel all feminine and sexy. For him.

He leaned closer and gently kissed me. He tasted like Steve, just as I remembered our kisses last night. Strong, masculine and purely him. My hand came up and caressed his cheek, our eyes locked and our faced just inches from each other.

"Ready?" he asked and for a second I thought about pulling him back in and having my way with him. I knew I didn´t say it out loud, but his grin turned into one full of male pride and arrogance as if he had read my thoughts. I didn´t trust my own voice so I just nodded, closed the door and let him lead me to his car. I loved the way his hand felt on my lower back, protective but yet possessive.

We drove to a little restaurant halfway to San Diego. It was a cosy, small restaurant, famos for it´s cuisine and great wines. We were guided to place outside on the terrasse, overlooking the ocean. The terrasse was surrounded by hundreds of exotic flowers, that made the warm breeze heavy scented. I wouldn´t admit it to him but I felt blissfully happy right now. I loved this place, the wine was light but full of bouquet and the company was... amazing. It was just perfect.

"So, tell me something about you Catherine Rollins." Steve asked and leaned back in his chair a little bit.

"Well, there isn´t actually much to say. I´ve been in the Navy for 2 years now and …." I started, but stopped immediately when Steve placed his hand above mine.

"Not your rank or your job, Cat. I want to get to know you." he smiled and I forgot what I was about to say.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. I see a beautiful woman with dark, expressive eyes, a wonderful smile and a strong and independent way to carry herself. But I want to know more." his voice was low and sensual and I took another sip of my wine to calm my furious heartbeat.

"Okay... let´s see... I hate getting up early. I hate to be late or to not be able to keep a promise. I hate onions, garlic and I absolute love a good glass of Shiraz." I laughed at him.

"Your turn."

"I don´t mind getting up early. I never promise anything unless I know I can keep it. I love garlic and beer and Football and I don´t mind a glass of Shiraz, but only when I´m in such great company." I felt the heat in my face.

Before I could think of a reply our dinner was served. It was delicious and the company was awesome. We laughed a lot and I felt really comfortable and relaxed with him. Sure we were flirting, but it seemed only natural. And that was a new feeling for me. Usually I stayed away from any kind of distraction, my last relationship ended months ago, because he couldn´t deal with me being gone for so long. After that I decided not to get involved with someone, I wasn´t ready to risk my heart again.

After dinner we went for a walk. Hand in hand. I watched him from the side whenever I talked to him and we discovered similarities as well as differences. Both being in the Navy definitely was a strong similarity. I didn´t have to explain things to him. And I knew not to ask any questions about his job.

Time flew and we finally decided to drive back. Steve drove slowly, following the road along the coast. It was a beautiful night and I enjoyed the time with him a lot. It was funny, but I completely forgot that we had just met. We were so comfortable with each other as if we had known one another for years.

He hadn´t kissed me since he had picked me up and when he stopped in front of my small apartment, I was nearly bursting. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. He turned off the engine and looked at me.

"I really enjoyed this evening." I said and he smiled at me, framed my face in his hands and pulled me closer while he leaned in. Our lips met and it was tender and caring, but you could feel the underlying hunger. It was as if we both had been waiting for this moment, as if the whole evening had been some kind of foreplay that would finally lead us here. I deepened the kiss, touching his tongue with mine.

I leaned closer to him, but it wasn´t enough. I wanted to feel him. We only broke the kiss for the lack of air, still staying close to each other.

"You know, there is one thing I don´t know about you yet and this is quiet essential." I whispered, my hands gently stroking his chest and marvelling in the play of his muscles under my hands.

"What is that?" he murmured, burying his hands in my hair and pulling me closer to kiss me with so much passion and hunger, that I whimpered with need. It took me some minutes to remember what I had said.

"How do you like your coffee in the morning?" This time I kissed him and the want in his kiss was evident.

"Hot, black and strong." he murmured and I moaned.

_When I woke up the next morning, feeling deliciously sore and relaxed, I reached out but only found the sheets cold and empty. I opened my eyes, but I already knew that he was gone. I sat up, hugging the sheets to my naked form and sighed. I had hoped he would stay for breakfast. I had hoped... I don´t know what I had hoped, and it didn´t really matter. It was probably the best and he had only made it easier for both of us, when he left without waking me up._

_I sank back, curling myself under the sheets. The pillow still held a faint scent of him and I hugged it to me. Thinking back about the last night made me smile, despite the regret that I felt. We were all over each other, right from the moment the door closed behind us. The gentle kisses turned into hungry, feverish and passionate ones, his hands all over me, his body pressed against mine._

_We were naked before we reached my bed and when I first felt his skin on mine, I felt my desire spiral out of control. I wanted this man so badly and his touches showed me that he felt the same. When we lay down on my bed, facing each other, kissing each other and touching each other, the look in his eyes made me tremble. He touched me in a way that left me shaking inside. When his lips found the sensitive spot on my neck, I moaned and shifted slightly to give him better access. When his lips closed around my hard nipple, I gasped and arched into his touch. And when his hand slipped between my thighs and caressed my core, I was burning with need._

_He stroked me in a slow, sensual and soft rhythm, until my body arched against him, my fingernails dug into his shoulders and my head fell back. I closed my eyes, unable to take this sweet torture any longer. I wanted him badly and he knew it, but he didn´t plan on letting me have him yet. His touches grew more urgent, more demanding, more giving and all I could do was hold onto him. I felt myself moan, writhe and tremble, like I was dancing along the edge the whole time. He played my body like an instrument, knowing how to give me intense pleasure and to make me want more. Whenever I thought I couldn´t take any more, he proved me wrong._

_"Steve... please..." I didn´t care I was begging, didn´t care that my voice was husky and raw with need. All I wanted was release, sweet, never-ending release._

_"I love watching you, Cat." he whispered, sucking on the skin of my neck. I urged closer to him, feeling his body being hard and tense. So all of this playing had its effect on him as well. I looked into his eyes and that was the moment he slid 2 fingers inside me. I took me some time to realize that the scream full of desire and pleasure actually left my own mouth. This time he didn´t slow done, but pushed me further and further. His thumb gently brushing over the sensitive nub while his fingers coaxed my body to feel more, deeper and harder._

_I gasped his name, allowed him to push me to my back and instinctively spread my legs further. He never stopped his assault. Instead his mouth latched onto my breast, sucking the sensitive flesh and biting down gently, only to soothe the exquisite pain with his tongue. And that was all it took. I felt huge waves of pleasure wash over me, making me scream his name and arch my back towards him. And his touches continued, gentle and soft, to prolonge my pleasure. I came down with a sob, felt him pull me close against him, his nose buried in my hair._

_"So beautiful." he whispered and I snuggled closer to his warmth, his strength. He held me until my heart starting beating normal again and I was able to think. I felt his arms around me, his chest pressed against my side and his heart beating fast and strong. His own desire, ignored and forgotten during his little play, pressed against my thigh and I turned around, facing him again._

_I kissed him, thanking him with every lick of my tongue and every gently bite into his lower lip. His low growl showed me that I was doing a good job. And his hand that wandered to my ass and pressed me closer against him, told me his need and arousal was still strong. Instinctively I threw one leg over his hips and he grabbed my thigh, inching it a bit higher until his excitement was pressed against my hot, sensitive core. His other arm held me in a tight embrace, his hand pressed flat against my back, not allowing me to move. As if I was able to. I broke the kiss, looking into his eyes. They were dark with desire, his lips swollen from our kisses and his chest was glistening in sweat. God, this man was beautiful!_

_I held his gaze when I slowly lowered myself onto him, feeling him painfully slowly sliding into me. He moaned, closed his eyes and licked his lip, as if he was fighting for control. I lifted my head a little and started to lick the side of his neck, gently suckling on the furiously beating pulse under his skin and enjoying the low gasp that escaped him. When he was deep inside me, I stopped and looked at him._

_"Cat..." My name left his mouth, with so much need and urgency, that it made me start grinding against him slowly. Another low moan and I whimpered when a million feelings overflowed me and made every other thought impossible. All that mattered right now was this man, his desire and the way he made me feel._

_Our movements were slow, delicate, feeling every inch of each other, touching, kissing, nibbling and licking. Whenever he´d push his hips against me, I´d arch against him. When his hand grabbed my thigh harder, I´d tighten my grip around him. The rhythm of our lovemaking started to quicken, and I followed his lead. I wrapped my arms around his neck, buried my face in the crook of his neck, moaning against his ear as he took me to a whole new level of pleasure. I felt like I lost myself, like my body melted into pure pleasure and all I could do was hold onto him. His embrace tightened further, his movements became more urgent and I knew that I wouldn´t last long. Not with his desire for me so evident._

_Only moments later we came undone, my scream and his low moan echoing in the room, when we held onto each other for dear life. The intensity of this encounter would have scared me, if I had been able to think. But I allowed myself to fall into his embrace, listening to his heartbeat and licking little drops of sweat off his skin and relishing his taste._

_I felt him move slightly, just enough to pull the soft sheets over us. But he didn´t leave me long, his arms around me he pulled me against his chest and I rested my hand above his heart. The last thing I felt was his soft kiss to my forehead and then I slipped into oblivion, knowing his arms would hold me through the night._

I sighed deeply and sat up. It was the best thing to leave without saying goodbye. That would have been awkward and even though I felt a sting inside, I knew it was the best for both of us. And we never promised each other anything, it was never meant to be more than a nice dinner and fantastic sex.

When I stood under the shower, letting the hot water soothe my muscles, I avoided thinking of him. That wouldn´t get me anywhere. I still was on leave and I planed on enjoying it. Dressed in a pair of shorts and shirt I went to the kitchen counter, filled the coffee machine with water and coffee and waited until I could pour a mug full of the hot essence of life. I´d feel much better after I had a coffee. Turning with the mug in my hand, something on the opposite side of the counter caught my eye. It was a piece of paper. And on it in a tight, neat handwriting were the words:

"I´d like to have dinner with you again. Sometime. Steve"


	9. Here without you

**I know I repeat myself but THANK YOU! so much for the reviews and alerts. As actions say more than words, here is another chapter. Some pain, sadness and comfort for our favorite couple. I have no idea if I am not getting the details on board a ship right, but I just had to let her comfort him.**

**I´ll try to have another chapter ready by the end of the week. Until then: Let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own anything!**

* * *

><p>It´s been a long day, working extra hours was nothing unusual but when you add a difficult mission to it, that makes it something else. We´ve lost 3 men today. 3 men who gave their life´s for the wellbeing of a million others that they didn´t even know. Others who would never know the sacrifice these men had made.<p>

I was tired, no scratch that, I was exhausted to the bone, barely able to make my way back to my cabin. It took all of what was left of my strength to walk with my shoulders straight and my head up high, greeting every officer I met on my way. I was going on autopilot, functioning, not thinking. All I wanted was to shower and curl under my covers. Just sleep. Forget.

When the door of my cabin closed behind my back and I was able to lean against it heavily, I felt a wave of sadness rushing over me. After 4 years in the Navy I still wasn´t able to get over this, it still touched me. I didn´t know the 3 young SEALs that were killed today, but my heart went out to the families who would be getting 2 officers at their doors soon. Telling them that their husband or son or brother was killed fulfilling his duty for his country.

I couldn´t help but think back to another day, a similar mission. When I´ve heard Steve´s voice in my headset, ordering a rescue team to pick them up...

_I desperately tried to calm myself down, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on the task. This was not the right time to allow panic, I had a job to do. And my job was to get the SEAL team to safe terrain and have a rescue time waiting there for them to pick them up._

_Still I couldn´t help but feel panic. Hearing his voice and recognizing that it was him who asked for immediate evacuation, has made my worst fears come true. I haven´t spoken or heard from him in 5 months. And suddenly I had his voice in my headset, yelling for a rescue team. I knew what I was suppose to do and I would make sure to get him out of there. But still, the private part inside me was torn and in panic._

_"Lieutenant, you got them?" the voice of my supervisor pulled me out of my thoughts and withing a split second I was back. I would get him out of there, I would safe him. I nodded at my supervisor while I instructed the rescue unit and gave them the coordinates of the SEAL team. 30 minutes. It would take them 30 minutes to get there, into the middle of the desert. And all I could do was trying to keep them safe until then. With whatever limited options I had, but I didn´t plan on letting him down._

_"Steve?" My voice was raw with worry and I cleared my throat. I wouldn´t help him if I was sounding like a little girl in fear. He needed me to be strong now, to ensure him that he and his team would get out of there safe._

_"Cat?" His voice was full of surprise and for a second I saw his face in front of me. The moment before he kissed me for the first time on that beach._

_"Yes sailor, listen to me. I´ll send you the coordinates, you have to make it there in 30 minutes for a rendezvous with the rescue team." I was glad my voice was strong and steady, showing a confidence I didn´t really feel inside. But I couldn´t think about that now, all that mattered was to get him there. My fingers flew over the keypad, hitting enter with more force than necessary when I sent out the coordinates to him._

_"Understood." his reply came and his voice was steady as well._

_"There will be a chopper waiting for you to get you out of there, sailor." I couldn´t help but get more personal. I had to let him know that I would do whatever I could, to get him out of there._

_"Roger."_

_I so badly wanted to scream 'Talk to me, tell me what´s going on. Don´t let go yet!' but I knew that the SEAL team´s top priority was getting to the location I´ve just send them. My heart was thumping and I felt sweat making my uniform stick uncomfortably to my body. I pushed every thought about him out of my head, just focussing on getting a SEAL team to safety. I´d have enough time for panic and worry later, when they were safe. This was my job, my responsibility._

_I lifted my head and saw my supervisor look at me, straight at my face. I realized that he knew something was different this time, but he also acknowledged the fact that I was able to pull myself up._

_"Good job, Lieutenant." he said and I nodded._

_My eyes went to the screen that showed me a satellite image of the area. The GPS signal of Steve´s unit was slowly moving towards checkpoint with the rescue team. I knew that we´d make it in time, that we´d be able to get them out of there._

_25 minutes later I got the confirmation that the rescue team had picked up the SEAL team, 3 injured, 1 dead. They´d fly them out to the hospital on board the USS Enterprise, one of the best equipped mobile hospitals the NAVY could offer. And it was my ship._

_When the confirmation came, I realized that the adrenaline I was running on for the last 2 hours was decreasing and exhaustion kicked in. Mental and physical. They were safe. At least this time. The helicopter arrived 45 minutes later and knowing my shift was to end, my supervisor nodded at the door looking at me. I nodded as well, got up and left immediately. I wanted to be there when they got in. I wanted to see with my own eyes that he was safe._

_I stood there, feeling the wind blowing over the deck of the USS Enterprise. I heard the faint sound of an approaching helicopter and when I saw it, my heart started thumping again. They landed and the medics were there immediately, taking care of the wounded SEALs. The remaining members of the unit left the chopper and I saw him right away. Even though I stood a bit off the side to not get into the way of the medics, I was close enough to see him._

_He was tired and his camouflage was stained with dirt and blood. His movements were still smooth and fluid, but the tension in his shoulders and the determined set of his jaw told me that he was only going on adrenaline and the will to survive. Whatever he and his team had been through, he was still in the middle of it. He waited until a single body bag was lifted carefully off the chopper. He stood there, grief and pain radiating from him. He waited until it was brought out of sight, honoring his fallen comrade. And then he saluted to his superior, giving him a quick brief of what happened and handed him something. After a final salute he was dismissed._

_He came towards me but hadn´t seen me yet and I clutched my fists into the pockets of my pants, to keep myself from running towards him. I knew I couldn´t do that, and even if I could, I knew he wouldn´t want me to show that kind of affection. Not in front of his team. Not now. So I patiently waited until he was close enough. My eyes on his face, silently willing him to look up. And when he finally did, his eyes found mine in an instant._

_I saw pain and despair. So much pain, that my heart went out to him. I wanted to hold him, wrap my arms around him and hold him._

_"Lieutenant." his voice was low, raw, husky, when he stood in front of me. But he was standing up tall and proud._

_"Commander." Damn, my voice was too gentle, showing too many emotions, but I couldn´t help it. I was thankful. So goddamn thankful that he was alive._

_"Thank you for getting us out of there." he said, his eyes slowly getting softer. The tension in his jaw eased and his shoulders slumped a bit, as if a weight was removed of them._

_"I`m glad you´re safe, sailor." I whispered, feeling my fingernails digging into my skin, breaking it, just to keep myself from reaching out and touching him._

_"Your cabin. Later." he said and I nodded._

_"I´ll be there." I assured him. He saluted and this time it was a gesture full of respect. He acknowledged me. What I did. I knew that my eyes were tearing up when I mimicked his gesture, showing just as much respect and gratefulness. I watched him leave. And with an angry motion I brushed a tear of my cheek._

_Three hours later I heard a knock on my door and opened immediately. Steve stood in front of me, one arm against the frame as if to steady himself. He had showered and changed into clean camouflage, but his face still showed his inner turmoil._

_I stepped aside, letting him enter and closed the door behind him. I leaned back against the door while dropped on the small bed. His elbows resting on his knees, he looked at me. I met his gaze, not saying a word. I knew he would start talking when he was ready._

_I felt his eyes all over my body, taking in every little detail. When our eyes met again, I saw that the tension was gone. He was calmer, steadier and when he reached out a hand to me, I moved towards him without hesitating. His hands wrapped around my waist, pulled me close and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He buried his face in my stomach, holding me tightly against him. I knew he needed this embrace as much as I did. I moved one hand to his head, gently combing my fingers through the short, dark strands._

_We stayed like this for a long time. It felt so good to have him close, to feel his body against mine and to hold him. Today has been an emotional roller-coaster, but he was safe._

_"Michaelis didn´t make it." were his first words since he came here and I shivered when I heard the pain behind them. I knew Michaelis, I had met him the night I had met Steve. He was a tall guy with a warm smile. He was like a little boy, mischief glistening in his eyes._

_"I´m sorry." I whispered, holding him tightly against me._

_"He´s been the most careful guy I know. Never taking a risk. Evaluating situations and calculating every possible risk. But this time he didn´t. He just... he just left cover to give us a chance to get out of there." Steve´s words were muffled, but I could still hear the pain in them. I remained silent, silently urging him to talk to me._

_"We´ve been through boot camp and training together. I´ve known him for 8 years. 8 years, Cat!" His arms tightened around my waist painfully and he hid his face against my stomach. I felt his shoulders tremble and my heart broke. He was in so much pain and I didn´t know how to ease it. He had lost a friend, a comrade, a member of his team. He was used to being in dangerous and seemingly futile situations. He was used to fighting and killing. Still loosing a close friend was something you couldn´t get used to. It was more than feeling responsible for his men. This was personal._

_"He got married, 2 years ago," Steve continued and I just kept listening to him. "His wife wanted him to quit, because she couldn´t take it anymore. How am I suppose to tell her that he got killed doing what she hated so much?" I felt his fingers fisting the fabric of my shirt and I didn´t care if he tore it apart. My arms were trembling with the effort to provide comfort, holding him and assuring him. But I didn´t care, I didn´t pay any attention to that. I just wanted to ease his pain, to carry the weight with him._

_"There was no need for him to leave cover. He should have stayed. Damn, he was safe, we all were safe! But he got up, yelling for us to move and we got going. There was no reason to stay when he had drawn all attention to him." I felt his tears through my shirt._

_"He got shot 4 times. His sacrifice allowed us to get out. Without him we all would have died. He saved us." Now his whole body was shaking with silent sobs and I didn´t care that tears were streaming down my face._

_"That´s what makes being a SEAL so goddamn hard, Cat. Not fighting, not infiltrating, not spying. It´s loosing your friends, your team, being reminded of your own mortality, that´s what makes it so fucking hard."_

_My heart was broken, my inside was reaching out to him and my arms were wrapped around him securely. It took him a long time to calm down, but finally his breath evened and he lifted his head looking up at me. I gently brushed the tears from his face._

_"Can I stay tonight?" he asked and I nodded. He needed me, he needed warmth and gentleness to be able to deal with the aftermath. And I was glad that I was there to provide it. I wanted to help him. I didn´t care about any consequences._

_He shifted, laying down on the small bed and pulled me with him. I cuddled up close against him, feeling his arms around me. We didn´t care about undressing. I wrapped my leg around his, my arm around his waist, nestled my head under this chin. And within seconds we both fell asleep. I don´t remember, if I dreamed that night but I remember that we woke up in the same position the next morning, wrapped around each other._

_He got up before dawn. He kissed me gently before leaving and I wanted to pull him close and hold him. But I knew he had to leave._

_"Steve?" I said when he was about to open the door. He turned around to me and for the first time I saw a small smile on his face._

_"Dinner. Your place. As soon as I get back next time." I said, not caring that I was forcing him into another date._

_He nodded, closing the door again and coming back. He sat down on the bed, framed my face with his hands and kissed me. Full of emotion and tenderness and care. I replied to his kiss the same way. His lips were warm and soft under my lips and I just wanted this moment to never end. When we broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against mine._

_"Can´t be soon enough." he whispered, kissed me again and then he was gone._

My body finally warmed up under the hot spray of the shower and when I moved over to my bed, I didn´t bother dressing. I slipped under the covers naked, wanting to feel his arms around me so badly. I missed him. I needed him.

I felt tears rising behind my closed eyes and I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears to stop from spilling. My arms wrapped around myself weren´t enough to make me feel less alone. But that was all I could do right now.

Finally I felt my consciousness slipping off as sleep started to claim me. I was thankful for that, I just wanted to forget. I didn´t realize the wetness of my pillow that was soaked from the tears streaming down my face.

I just wanted to forget.


	10. Finding out part 1

**Did I ever mention how wonderful you are? Thank you so much, your reviews and messages encourage me so much. I really appreciate that. Here is another chapter. Finally they admit things are different now. Let me know if you want Part 2 of the trip and some more admitting :-)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, not a single thing. Too bad.**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I was furious. We were both starring at each other, not willing to back down, not willing to give in. This was another one of the stupid fights we had lately, and I doubted that he knew what it was even about. I didn´t know for sure. All this tension between us lately only ended in either hot, steamy, hungry sex or in a stupid fight like this.<em>

_Now granted, we were still in his bedroom, both naked, the sweat on our bodies not dried yet, and we were fighting. Maybe I should laugh about this, taking the upper hand. But I felt unable to shake off the feelings that kept me going. I wasn´t able to step back, I just wanted to push his boundaries and see how far I could push him before he snapped._

"_You really wanna ruin leave?" he hissed, his eyes burning inside me and his whole body taut and rigid. We were sitting in his bed, I hugged his sheet to my naked body, trying to hide myself._

"_Me? I don´t wanna ruin anything! You´re the one who just turned great sex into a fight!"_

"_Cat!" he sighed. "You went all berserk on me, I don´t even know what I said."_

"_Nice, now it´s my fault!" I turned, standing up and moving to the bathroom, not caring that I was naked._

"_Don´t turn your back on me!" his voice rose and for a second I was thinking about returning and just kissing him to keep him from talking. I knew that I had to leave the room, if I didn´t want to say something I might regret later. This has gotten out of hand and I didn´t feel comfortable. It was like walking on thin ice, when the next step could break the ice and make you drown in cold water. There were way too many emotions boiling below the surface on both sides. _

"_Steve, this is ridiculous! I´m gonna take a shower right now and try to calm down. I suggest you do the same thing." I closed the door behind me and sighed heavily. My blood was boiling inside me and I felt like hitting something. Hard._

_Steve McGarrett was the only person on this planet who was able to push my bottons to make me explode within a second. And I was mad at myself for allowing him this power over me. I stepped into the shower, letting the water calm me down. With my eyes closed I allowed the water to wash away my anger until I was myself again. Well, nearly myself. The anger might be gone, but the feelings were still gleaming below the surface. _

_When I left the shower and dried myself of, I hoped he had calmed down as well. I didn´t want to fight with him. This whole thing had started because... I don´t know why it started but I realized during the fight, that it was easier to focus on my anger and on the urge to distance myself from him, than explore the feelings inside me. _

_I put on a pair of white shorts and a black tank top, putting my hair up in a messy bun. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was surprised how young and innocent I looked. My skin was flushed from the shower and my eyes seemed huge. I opened the door of the bathroom and relief flooded through me when I found the room empty._

_Going downstairs I saw Steve standing on the porch, dressed in only a pair of jeans, his back to me, his muscles taut under his tanned skin. I stopped, looked at him and drew in a deep breath. He was beautiful, powerful and just... just Steve. I didn´t want to be fighting with him._

"_Hey sailor." I whispered when I stepped outside. He didn´t turn, but tensed more if that was even possible. I stepped behind him, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my lips against his shoulder._

"_Cat," His hand covered mine. "I´m sorry." he whispered and I felt the tension leave his body. _

"_I´m sorry too. I don´t want to fight." I said, leaning my cheek against his back, enjoying the feeling of his skin against mine._

"_We´re fighting a lot lately..." he said and I felt a strange feeling of fear. _

"_I know." _

"_Why?" _

"_I don´t know." I whispered, feeling my eyes tear up. I didn´t want to loose him. Somehow I felt like all this fighting was driving a wedge between us. _

_Steve turned around, framing my face with his fingers and brushing off the tears, that I didn´t even realized I was crying. My arms circled his waist and I leaned against him._

"_I´m not gonna end this just because we are fighting, Cat. If this is your way to push me away, I´m not gonna let you. If you wanna leave, leave. But you´ll have to say it." he whispered. A sob escaped me and I leaned my face into his chest, kissing his warm skin._

"_I won´t leave." I promised._

"_Then talk to me." he urged and I felt him shiver when my fingers started to move over his back._

"_I don´t know how." I admitted._

"_What do you want me to do, Cat?" he asked and I heard the question in his voice. He didn´t know how to handle this, how to handle us. He was just as helpless as I was in this situation. _

"_Just hold me." I said and sighed when his arms pulled me closer. I don´t know for how long we stood there, holding each other, not speaking a word. I didn´t want to talk, all that mattered right now was feeling him._

"_I don´t know what happened earlier... I don´t even know what this was about." I started to talk, knowing that he´d listen to me, waiting for me to start. "I´m happy to be here, I was so looking forward to being here with you. When I was gone, I missed you. I found myself thinking about you so many times. And that was unnerving. I need to focus on my job, Steve. Other people´s life´s are depending on me doing my job!" I sighed, when he lifted one hand to my neck, sliding it under my hair and gently began to massage my neck._

"_I am not handling this very well. I mean, you and I... we weren´t meant to be here. It should have been sex and a great time. But... I don´t know what happened." I knew I was ranting, mumbling and not really making sense but somehow Steve got me._

"_You regret it?" he asked gently and I lifted my head, meeting his eyes._

"_No." I said, realizing that this one word held more confidence than anything else I´ve said today._

"_You wanna end it?" I heard the slight tremble in his voice and I tiptoed to place a small kiss on his lips._

"_No." Again, my voice made clear that I didn´t want to run away. Probably I should, but I couldn´t make myself._

"_I don´t regret a single moment with you, Cat." His lips touched mine and I forgot everything else. There was so much warmth and tenderness around me, I felt safe in his arms and I knew that I wanted to stay like this forever._

"_Maybe we should both start to accept that things have changed." I heard him whisper and tightened my arms around him._

"_Yeah, maybe. But then what?" _

"_I don´t know, Cat. Why don´t we find that out?"_

I was staring at the wall of my small cabin on board the USS Enterprise, remembering that moment. Steve was right, things had changed, even more so after we acknowledged it. I couldn´t put it into words and neither could he, but there was a new understanding, a new closeness between us. And I wasn´t scared. For the first time I wasn´t scared to allow it and to see where it would take us to.

It´s been 4 weeks since my ship left Pearl Harbour and it felt like forever already. It´s been very busy, leaving me nearly no time to miss him. When I returned to my cabin I would slide under the covers and fall asleep immediately. I welcomed that routine, because missing him was the worst feeling. Being busy didn´t mean I didn´t think of him, because I did. Ever morning when I woke up. During the day. And usually his face was my last thought before giving in to sleep.

I laughed at myself silently. I sounded like a pathetic novel writer in one of those stories about the big, undying and never ending love that would make a couple overcome everything, even death. I didn´t really believe in that. At least I didn´t until I met Steve. Being with him reassured me that those deep, genuine feelings that said novels were portraying might really exist and all it took was a brave woman to allow it.

I wasn´t sure if I was there yet, but I knew for sure that I wouldn´t want to find out how life would be without him. Going slow and giving it time was a good suggestion, I felt like we both needed time to adjust to the new situation. Of course the situation wasn´t really new because we felt like this for a long time already. But acknowledging it and voicing it made it real. We couldn´t take the words back. It was like we opened a door now that we couldn´t close. All we had to do was being brave enough to walk through that door to actually find out what was lying behind it.

The soft vibration of my cell pulled me out of my thoughts and with a smile I saw that it was Steve.

"Hello sailor." I said.

"Hello Sunshine. How are you?" I heard the smile in his voice.

"Tired. It´s been hell so far, but I think this time it won´t take me 3 months to come back."

"Not getting my hopes up here for now, but I damn sure hope you´re right."

"So, how are you? Everything okay over there? Or do you call because you need me to do you another favor?" I teased. Actually it´s been months since he last asked for a favor. Whenever he called now it was strictly private and I was looking forward to his next call already as soon as we hung up.

"No favor this time, Cat. I wanted to hear your voice." I missed him so much at that moment.

"I miss you." I whispered.

"I miss you too. This place feels empty without you. Now, that is if Danny isn´t over of course." I heard him chuckle.

"I´m glad things are okay over there. You didn´t get hurt lately, did you?"

"Nah, I´m fine." I groaned.

"How badly?" I asked and I heard him sigh.

"Not bad. Just a scratch when I hit a brick wall. It´s okay, really."

"You wouldn´t tell me if it was the other way."

"No need to worry, Cat. I´m okay, really."

"I can´t remember how many times you´ve told me that since I know you. Usually that means that you´re shot and in a hospital."

"Not this time, I´m working actually, still doing paperwork."

"I guess if you were hurt badly, Danny wouldn´t allow you to come to work."

"Hey, I don´t need Danny´s allowance!" he pouted.

"Right."

"Anyway, I was calling to ask you if you still want to go on this boat trip with me." he changed the subject.

"I´d love to do that. A boat, the water, sun and a hot, sexy Navy SEAL at my service. You don´t think I would miss that, do you?" My words made him laugh out loud and I loved the sound.

"I hope I can live up to your expectations, Lieutenant."

"Better work on your stamina than, Commander."

"Is that a challenge?"

"No, just a well-meant advice. I have no doubt though that you´ll be able to keep up with me."

"I plan to do so."

We talked for another few minutes and then ended the call. He whispered "Can´t wait to have you back." before the line went silent and I smiled, until sleep claimed me.

It took me 3 more weeks until I was back in Pearl. Leaving the ship in casual shorts and a tank top felt like heaven. I had been wearing my uniform for a long time, so wearing civil clothes again felt great. I had told Steve when I´d arrive and he promised me to pick me up, since my car had died shortly before I left.

I grabbed my back and headed towards the gate, saluting to another officer on my way. And when I lifted my eyes again, I saw him. Leaning casually against his black truck, wearing shorts and a white T-Shirt and a huge smile on his face. I felt my heart skip a beat and then beat again, just a bit faster. His tanned skin an intriguing contrast to the white shirt. His muscles moved under the shirt. That sexy smile, the look in his eyes. He was mine for the next few days. No cells, no computer, no 5-0 and no Navy. Just him and I. On a boat.

I quickly signed the papers at the gate.

"Hello Beautiful." He whispered when I went through the gate and approached him. I dropped my bag and found myself in his arms. I tiptoed and kissed him, feeling calmness wash over me. His kiss was gentle, more a tease than a kiss and I couldn´t help but want more. When we broke apart, his hands framed my face and his gaze held mine.

"Welcome home, Commander." Another soft kiss.

"Hello sailor. What a great welcome."

"You´re ready to go?" he asked.

"Hell, yeah!" We laughed. He grabbed my back, threw it onto the backseat and opened the door for me, helping me in. He was such a gentleman, caring and thoughtful. I loved that about him.

When he got behind the wheel, he turned to me and smiled. Oh boy. It should have been illegal to look so sexy. I planned on having my way with him as soon as we got onto that boat. 2 months of absence were just too much to let me be patient.

"Ready?" he asked again.

"Hurry sailor. We have some catch up to do." I teased him. Steve laughed, but the look in his eyes told me that I wouldn´t be getting much sleep tonight. Not that I wanted to, all I could think of was having my way with him.

We talked about the past weeks during the drive to the marina. And when Steve parked the car and grabbed my bag, he reached for my hand. I shivered inside. This little gesture was cute and usually I would make a joke or something about behaving like a teenager. But not this time. This time I just smiled at him and enjoyed.

The boat was a beautiful, a 30 feet yacht in shining white that was softly dancing on the waves of the marina. Steve had stopped here earlier, stuffing the galley with food and wine, ice cream and some exotic fruits. He dropped my bag in the master bedroom.

"Wanna shower quickly while I get us offshore?" I nodded, kissed him quickly and disappeared into the bathroom. After a quick shower I pinned up my hair and chose a white, short dress that fell to the middle of my thighs. I didn´t bother on wearing panties, I knew I wouldn´t be wearing them for long. And this way I could tease him a bit more.

When I got on deck, I saw him standing there, steering the yacht through the dark blue water. The sight was breath taking. He had gotten rid of his shirt and was standing behind the large wheel, dressed only in his shorts, legs spread and strong hands gripping the wheel. The sun was slowly going down and the warm light bathed him in the last shafts of sunlight. He was beautiful.

"Hi sexy." I said, approaching him and stepping into his arms. He pulled me close and kissed me gently, one hand still on the steering wheel.

"Hi beautiful... Mmmmm... I love this dress." I pressed myself against him closer, letting him feel my body under the soft silk.

"That´s why I brought it with me." With a moan he deepened his kiss, his tongue sliding into my mouth, teasingly and playing with mine.

"How about you take over for a minute?" he suggested a moment later, his voice husky and then he placed my hand on the wheel. "I´ll be right back." Not waiting for my reply, he disappeared into the galley. I lifted my head to the sun, feeling its warmth on my skin. The soft wind was cooling my skin down and the air was salty and clean. I loved being on a boat and this was way better than the USS Enterprise.

A few minutes later Steve came back, a bottle of champagne in one hand and two champagne flutes in the other, smiling at me. I killed the engine, anchoring the yacht and then I walked towards him slowly. He had poured us a glass, handed me one and then toasted me. His gaze was intense and never left my face.

"To us." he said, his voice a tad lower and darker, making me shiver with anticipation.

"To us." I agree and when the cool drink sparkled down my throat, my mind already focussed on having my way with him.


	11. Finding out part 2

**Again, a big thank you to everyone who reviewed! As I´m only repeating myself here I thought another chapter would be the best way to thank you. So here you go, part 2 of Finding out. Some more confessions, some opening up and some dropping the guards. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>"Coming back home, back to Hawaii, felt weird. Surreal. But at the same time I knew I had to come here."<p>

We were lying on the deck of the yacht, holding each other tightly, our bodies still entwined after a round of sweet, passionate love making that had left us both breathless. The moonlight was shining down on us and the yacht was slowly rolling on the waves. I felt the warm, soft blanket under me that Steve had grabbed when things heated up.

I knew that usually that were the moments when he was the most relaxed and willing to let me in. I didn´t say a word, waiting for him to continue.

"The house was empty without him. I know we cleaned it, you´ve spend your full leave on helping me cleaning it. But still I can see the blood spread on the floor. And sometimes it still smells like that." My fingers were wandering over his chest, just to assure him I was still there.

"I wish I could have talked to him before he died. Seen him." I pressed my lips to his skin. "It´s been just so much going on. My dad, Mary and my Mom´s accident. Sometimes I feel like I can´t take it anymore and I just want to run, as far and as fast as I can. Just to forget."

"Without my team I might even have done that. But they rely on me and honestly, I rely on them too." His voice was soft and thick with emotion. "I talked to Chin about my Dad. I guess I never realized how many happy memories I had, because I chose to be mad at him. But Chin made me realize that there are happy memories, I just hid them. It was good to share them with someone who knew my Dad as well."

"I´ve been mad at him for so long. And it was easy, he made it easy for me. Sometimes I think that´s why he hardly called, to keep me mad at him. He knew that would make it easier to deal with all this. He knew how dangerous his investigations were." My heart reached out to him and I pressed another kiss on his chest, just above his heart. I felt it beating under my lips, his skin tasting salty.

"Never felt so much hate inside." he whispered as if he was afraid to admit it. "I hate Wo Fat and Hesse and if I could I´d kill them, slowly, painfully and I´d love every second of it." I heard the turmoil in his voice and lifted my head up, looking at him, gently stroking his face.

"Steve, you´re not a bad person! You have every right to hate them, but I know you´d never overstep the line. You wouldn´t kill them just because of your thirst for revenge."

"I´m not sure anymore, Cat." He sounded so torn, so lost and my eyes started to tear up.

"Don´t loose yourself in this, Steve." I begged, afraid that it was already too late.

"There are moments when nothing else matters than catching them, Cat. I have nearly no life except this one mission. The moments with you... that are the only ones when I´m happy and ready to let go." His grip around my waist tightened. "You ground me, you know that?" I looked at him, meeting his eyes and seeing the emotions in them.

I felt his thumb brush over my cheek, catching my tears. Tears I cried for him. For the little boy inside that had lost so much. And for them man, that held me in his strong arms, when all he really wanted was to be held. I laid down on the soft blanket and slid my arm under his head, pulling him against me so his head was resting on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and flinched for a second, when he did the same but with much more force.

"When I first met you, I thought "Wow, what a hot guy." and then you saved me in that bar. We went for dinner and spend the night. I never thought I´d see you again. I actually woke up that morning wishing you´d be still there." I began, keeping my voice low and soft. I felt that it was time for me opening up and allowing him a glance inside me.

"I worry about you, every time I´m gone. I know you, you´re tendency to throw yourself into the line of fire without thinking. And I always wonder when I´m gonna get a call that you´re... that … that I lost you." I swallowed the sob that started to rise in my throat. "Or maybe you´d call me to tell me you met someone. Someone who´s available and who you can rely on." Damn, I wasn´t prepared for this getting a soul strip tease. I didn´t think about me having to reveal so much about my inside.

"Never." I heard his whisper and froze.

"What?"

"Never. There won´t be any other person I rely on like this. I trust you Cat, more than you know."

I shivered despite the warm Hawaiian night and his warmth around me.

"Better run, sailor." I murmured while I fought hard to keep the tears inside. "I´m about to fall for you, so if you´re not ready, better run fast." I said and felt his body shiver.

He didn´t run and he didn´t hide. He lifted his head, propped himself up on an elbow and looked at me.

"Too late, Sunshine. I´m already there."

And when he bend down and kissed me, the kiss was sweet and tender, but I could taste our tears in it.

When I woke up a few hours later, the sun was slowly dawning. I shivered, missing the warm, strong body by my side. I propped myself up on my elbows, searching the deck for him. He wasn´t there. I was just about to get up, when he appeared from the galley, two coffee mugs in his hands. I smiled, thankful that he remembered how much I loved my coffee in the morning. I was addicted to it. Well, not the coffee, but the nearly naked man carry them over to me. His smile bright and genuine. His eyes on me all the time. Yes, that was my addiction.

"Good morning, beautiful." he said and handed me a mug. I moaned appreciatively and took a careful sip of the hot, black liquid.

"Good Morning, sexy." My eyes wandered over his body, taking in every detail. His skin had a caramel tone. His muscles were strong, well defined and showing off nicely under his skin. The tattoos only added to this. His swim trunks sat low on his hips, revealing the muscles of his hips. His stomach was rippling and the hem of his trunks just sat low enough to fuel my fantasy. When my eyes moved back to his face, I saw the cocky grin on his lips.

"Like what you see?" he teased and I only smiled, leaning back against the pillows that he arranged our bed.

"You have no idea, sailor. You´re such a sight for sore eyes." I pulled the sheet up to my breast. I didn´t even know that he covered us during the night. Still looking at him standing in front of me, I smiled up at him, taking another sip. Our eyes never left each other and I slowly felt heat rising inside of me.

After a few more moments he moved closer and settled next to me, sliding under the sheet. Our legs touched and I leaned closer to him. I loved the feeling of his body next to mine, the strength and warmth emanating from him. We finished our coffee and settled into the pillows again, holding each other, watching sunrise, feeling completely content just staying like this.

"Cat?" his voice interrupted the silence.

"Hm?"

"I meant it last night." Without asking I knew what he was referring to.

"I know. Me too." I looked into his eyes, placing a tender kiss to his warm lips that opened up under mine. Slowly we kissed. It was so sweet and gentle that I nearly cried. When we broke the kiss, my hand was on his face, stroking the stubbles on his chin. "Well, maybe I wasn´t correct." I whispered, kissing him again. "I´ve been there for a long time already." I knew he got my words immediately, his sharp intake of breath gave him away.

His next kiss left me breathless, urging closer to him, when desire suddenly sparked inside me. He moved so that he was laying on the blanket and pulled me on top of him. My legs straddles his thighs and my curvy body was flush against his his hard muscles. His tongue played with mine, fighting for control, but I felt that his control was slowly slipping.

I heard his low moan, when I pushed my hips against his pelvis in a slow and seductive rhythm. Finally I broke the kiss, desperately willing air in my lungs. I watched his face, his eyes dark with desire. A muscle twitched in his jaw when he tried to fight for control.

His fingertips, teased my neck, my collar bone and the cleavage of my breasts, ever so softly. I drowned in the depth of his eyes. They were filled with tenderness, taking off the edge of his usual alertness. He allowed himself to just feel right now and I was thankful to be here with him.

"I´m glad I´m here with you. Right now." I whispered and I saw his lips turn up into one of these beautiful smiles that warm your heart and make your stomach flutter.

"Wouldn´t want anyone else with me." he murmured.

"Oh, I bet you say that to every woman you´re taking on a romantic boat trip." I teased, while I let one hand wander over his chest, enjoying how his muscles moved under my fingers. Drawing slow circles on his warm skin, I smiled at him, loving the way he licked his lips.

"Don´t know... I´ve never done that before. So I need you to help me here." he murmured and hissed, when my fingertips drew circles around his nipple.

"You wanna tell me you haven´t already planed your next move?" I teased his nipple for a moment longer, feeling him arch into my touch.

"I´m going by instinct here." he moaned.

"You´re doing a good job so far, sexy. Now, just lay back and relax." I ordered him gently and with another moan he did just that.

"Close your eyes." I whispered, pushing myself a little bit further down his thighs. He shot me one last heated glance and then closed his eyes and relaxed back in the pillows. For a second I just sat there and watched him, mesmerizing him, drinking in the beauty of the moment. Unlike him I had planed out my next move already and I would make sure he enjoyed every second.

I leaned down and kissed his lips, allowing him to reply just for a moment, before I moved my lips to his jaw. He hadn´t shaved and I knew my lips would be swollen later. Moving down his neck, my tongue teased every inch of his skin, leaving a wet trail and making him moan. He tilted his head to grant me better access and when I found that sensitive spot right under his ear, I heard him hiss. His hands were fisted into the blanket to keep himself from grabbing me. I accredited his effort by gently sucking his skin.

Ever so slowly I moved to his should, feeling the twitching of his muscles. I knew this would be hard for him, not being in control for once. And I appreciated it, that he gave in to me. For now. I bit down on his shoulder, not too hard but enough to make him growl. I knew though that it wasn´t because it hurt, but it sparked a flame deep inside him. Soothingly my tongue danced over the spot.

Another moan escaped him and I smiled against his skin. My tongue found the tattoo on his right arm and I couldn´t get enough of his taste. I took my time licking his skin before I moved back to his shoulder and further down.

"Cat..." he hissed. I didn´t listen to him but continued until my tongue found his nipple and teased it.

"Relax, sexy." I whispered when I felt him tense. Placing gentle kisses onto his skin without teasing him anymore, I waited until he relaxed before I started my assault again.

"This is torture!" he moaned and I giggled.

"Wanna make me stop?"

"No... I can handle that."

Really? Now that was a challenge. I was up to showing him how little he was able to handle it.

Licking his nipple, I slid down his thighs even further. I left a trail of wet kisses down his torso, cherishing his rippled stomach. My fingertips slid under the hem of his trunks and I felt him arch his hips.

"Not playing fair." he panted.

"Never said I would." I reminded him. I pushed my flat hands over his rips, his broad chest to his strong shoulders, giving them a playful knead before I slid them down to his stomach again. I pulled down his trunks a little bit and kissed every inch of his skin. He moaned and arched into me.

"Ready for the next move, sailor?" I asked, surprised that my own voice was husky too.

"Will you let me take over?" he asked with a growl.

"Not just yet, sorry."

I didn´t wait for another reply but slid his trunks down and free his erection that was strained painfully for so long.

"Cat!" his moan was full of desire and want and I planed on giving him what he needed. But first, I wanted to tease and play for a little longer. My fingertips found his hardness and gently moved over the whole length, feeling it pulse and throb. He gasped, his breath ragged now and his body shivering. I loved watching him, his eyes closed, his face showing pure lust.

I softly blew over his skin, teasing it and then I couldn´t resist but lick the tip of his erection.

"Don´t..." he started, but ended whatever it was he wanted to say in another loud hiss.

"What? Want me to stop?" I already knew the answer.

"No... don´t stop." he moaned and involuntarily his hips arched up, pressing himself against my lips. I smiled when I heard his frustrated moan, knowing that he was close, but not quiet there yet. The sweet torture was getting to him and he allowed his guards down, giving in to the pleasure.

"I promise you I won´t stop." With those words I bend down again and let my tongue dance over his hot skin. With each lick, each kiss, each gentle bite I tried to tell him how much he meant to me. How much I loved being here with him. How much I loved touching him. He responded by shivering and arching up against me, his hands suddenly buried in my hair without any pressure. He just held me as if he needed something to hold on to.

"Cat... please... " he whispered and I opened my eyes to look at him. I found him looking back at me, his eyes dark with want and need. I held his gaze and slowly engulfed him in my mouth, sliding down his length. He didn´t break eye contact, but I saw him biting his lip to keep himself from shouting.

"Feeling good, sexy?" I asked.

"Oh god... yes..." his moan made me close my hand around him and stroke him in a steady rhythm.

"Want me to stop?"

"No."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Tighter... harder..." he moaned and hissed when I obliged. His body surrendered already, giving in to the sweet torture. I did what he asked for, wrapping my hand around him tighter and letting my own desire take over. My movements were still sensuous but my lust was eminent. I gasped when he gasped. I pushed down when he pushed up. I moaned when he hissed.

"God..." he gasped when my thumb brushed over his sensitive tip, adding another wave of pleasure.

Without warning I closed my lips around him again and followed the movement of my fingers.

"Fuck!" he shouted. I loved when he lost control. "Please... Baby... more!" he urged me and I obliged again. His hands guided me, and even though I was in control, he showed me how to use it for the most pleasure. I increased my movements again, listening to his ragged breath and his silent curses that told me just how close he was. I wouldn´t stop, not this time. I wouldn´t allow him to back off this time.

"Cat... God... don´t..." Not able to speak he gave up, pushed my head down a bit more and I knew I got him. My other hand caressed his chest while I closed my eyes, letting his voice guide me. It didn´t take long before I felt him twitch. His hands in my hair made a futile attempt to pull my head away, but I warningly scraped my teeth over his shaft, just to show him that I was not going to let him go just yet.

And only seconds later he came undone, shouting my name in a dark, throaty voice that made me tingle inside. His hips pushed up and his body went rigid. I slowed down my movement but didn´t stop until he stopped shivering. With a proud smile I pressed a last kiss to the sensitive tip of his shaft, hearing him hiss before I pushed myself up. Our eyes met.

"Damn Cat...!"

"You´re amazing." I whispered and kissed his chest, feeling his heart beating furiously. His hands framed my face and he pulled me up, kissing me hard. When we broke apart, we were both panting.

"Payback!" he smirked at me and in a smooth movement turned us so that he was on top, towering over me, resting between my thighs.


	12. Finding out part 3

**Well, I just couldn´t wait to give Steve a chance for payback. He deserves it, doesn´t he? So here is the last chapter for Finding out. Still, they didn´t say the words...**

**Thank you everyone who reviewed! You made my day!**

**Disclaimer: Again, nothing is mine... sadly.**

* * *

><p>When I woke up, it took my foggy mind a while to realize that I didn´t have to get up for another few hours. I sighed happily, cuddled deeper into Steve´s arms and allowed my body to go back to sleep. My thoughts went back to last night. It had been amazingly intense and I asked myself if it could even get better. It seemed that it got more intense and essential since we agreed to allow it.<p>

I felt his arms tighten around me and when he shifted to lay on his back, he pulled me with him so that I was on top of him now. I chuckled silently. He was asleep, his steady breath on my face, his arms around me. I tried to slide down, to lay back down again, but he wouldn´t let me.

"Don´t..." he murmured in his sleep.

"Let me go, Steve. I can´t fall asleep on top of you." I whispered back.

"Yes you can. Not letting go." he murmured again, his voice getting more alert when he slowly woke up.

"Baby, please... go back to sleep."

"Not gonna happen." His hands slid down my back, pressing me against him and I involuntarily arched into his touch.

"Steve..." I hissed, trying to sound rational while my body betrayed me and moved closer.

"You really wanna sleep?" His hands moved to my ass, grabbed it and pressed me against his growing erection. I moaned, already being aroused.

"Again?" I asked surprised, even though my hands already started stroking his chest.

"If you can´t handle it..."

"Damn, I´m so not gonna be able to walk tomorrow." I smiled but didn´t make any attempt to move away. Our lips met and I shivered. This was so erotic, so sensual. I felt it in the way he kissed me, the way he pressed me against his hard body. He wanted to seduce me and he was doing a hell of a job to get that mission accomplished.

I loved he way he held me, I could feel the strength and power. He was demanding but yet giving so much. His movements were smooth and sensual, sending my nerves into overdrive. He was possessive, no other way to describe this.

The kiss deepened, his tongue touching mine and I moaned into his mouth. Gently he bit down on my bottom lip, soothing the sweet pain with his tongue. When I finally pulled back because I needed to breath, I looked into his eyes and saw the playful grin on his face.

"Then don´t walk and stay in bed with me all day." His hands circled my waist and lifted me up slightly to gain better access to my breasts.

"A very tempting idea, sexy." I moaned when his lips closed around one of my already hard nipples. His mouth did wonderful things to me and I was way beyond arguing with him. He started to grind his hips into me, letting me feel his hardness, teasing me until I was trembling.

"Getting excited, Lieutenant?" he whispered against my skin. I hissed, gasped when he hit my sweet spot with this movements. "Yes...mmmm... I love the way you feel." I tried to steady myself with one hand while I grabbed his head and pulled it closer with the other hand. His hands slid to the back of my thighs, spreading them further so that my full body was pressed against him now.

"Not close enough yet?" I moaned, answering the movements of his hips with my own, pushing my sensitive core against him.

"Never close enough." he purred and sank his teeth carefully into the soft swell of my breast. I moaned, arched against his lips, never wanting him to stop. I loved him being so demanding yet seductive. There was no other man that could do this to me. Steve knew my body better than anyone else.

I felt my desire grow with every move of his body under mine and I wondered for how long I would be able to keep this up. His reaction told me that he enjoyed this just as much as I did. But I also saw in his eyes that he wanted to play. He wanted to enjoy the journey, as long as possible.

"Still wanna go back to sleep?" he teased me, when his fingers slid from my ass to the junction of my thighs, teasing my swollen sex with gentle strokes, just enough to make me gasp.

"Steve..." I moaned.

"What, Baby? Too much?" His tongue licked over the sensitive nub of my right breast before sucking in the left nipple.

"No..." I sobbed. "Not enough!"

"Mmmmmm... I see... what do you want me to do?" I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me, his eyes nearly black with desire. His smile was genuine and full of tenderness, yet I saw the mischief in his eyes.

"Touch me." I whispered, involuntarily arching my body.

"I already am." I growled in frustration. He wanted to play, he wanted to tease and push me further. I knew he wouldn´t give me what I needed until he was ready... or until I said it.

I drew in a trembling breath, feeling sweat running down the valley between my breasts. Steve´s eyes darted down, following the little drop with his eyes before lifting his head again and licking it from my skin. God... damn. Watching him, this little gesture, was nearly my undoing.

"You´re beautiful." he whispered when I bit my lip to suppress a scream.

"Compliments won´t get you anywhere, Commander!" I hissed, feeling tears in my eyes. I didn´t want him to stop this sweet assault, but my body was on the edge, too close to back off.

"Too bad..." he murmured, his lips close to my nipple but not touching it. I felt his hot breath on my overly sensitive skin and silently begged him to do something.

"Because you really are beautiful, inside and outside. Your skin is so soft that I don´t want to stop touching you." he pressed his closed lips onto the swell of my breast. "You smell like honey." He opened his lips and started to press wet kisses to my breasts that were aching with want. My hips were grinding onto him, trying to force himself into me but whenever I thought I would succeed, he backed of a little so I couldn´t feel him anymore.

"I can feel your desire, your need." Just a bit more, keep talking to me, sexy, and I´m gonna come just by listening to your voice.

"I can feel you trembling with want." Oh God... "I know you so well, Cat. I know how you need to be touched. I know you crave to feel me inside you and you will. But I want you to crave this so much, that you can´t think of anything else." Did he feel the rush of wetness? He moaned throatily and knew he felt it. "I want you too, Cat. So badly." Finally his lips closed around one of my nipples and he sucked it hard. It was all it took. This time I was unable to stop myself from screaming. Over and over again I felt myself shudder when waves of pure ecstasy swallowed me when I came.

"Beautiful." he whispered and our eyes met. He hadn´t really touched me but all the teasing had been enough to send me over the edge.

"Steve..." I sobbed, sinking against his chest. I heard his heart beating hard and fast, betraying his calm behaviour.

"You´re not done yet, Baby." he assured me, not hiding the desire in his voice anymore. His hands on my ass held me steady when he pushed himself up and I instinctively moved up an inch. Without any warning I felt him slide inside me, slowly entering me to cherish every inch. I heard his dark moan, full of need.

"Already?" he teased and I moved my head up and pressed my lips to his, kissing him demandingly. We didn´t move, just enjoyed feeling each other close, being connected in the most intimate way. When I looked up and met his eyes, I saw him biting his swollen lip. And then he started to move me on top of him, guiding my hips in a slow rhythm. His breath hitched.

"I love how you feel inside of me." I purred, allowing my hips to sway a little. I felt his finger sink deeper into the soft flesh of my ass.

"So hot." he moaned. I drew my knees closer to his body and felt him thrust into me deeper, touching a spot inside me that left me dizzy. I thought I´d pass out from the pleasure this was causing. His lips latched onto my breasts again and I pushed his head closer, afraid he´d stop. His hands on my hips guided me when he increased his pace. I heard his moan, heard his whispered words that encouraged me.

I didn´t realize the tears that were streaming down my face, I was lost in the intensity. I didn´t think at all anymore, just feeling him deep inside me. It only took a few minutes until I felt him twitch inside me, arch into me further. He moved one hand from my hip to my breast, covering the swell in his warm hand. Our eyes met and I saw him biting his lip, fighting to not loose it just yet. So I increased my pace, moved with more force, faster, harder, trying to push him over the edge.

"Cat... yes..." he moaned and his voice made me melt. I felt me loosing control. Fast.

"Steve... " I murmured his name over and over when I felt myself tighten around him, unable to stop.

"Come for me." he urged me on.

"No... not yet... not ..." I started, wanting him to follow me so desperately but not being able to say it.

"Come... now... I can´t take much more, Cat!" I heard it in his voice, the ache inside him, the need to come himself. And I knew he wouldn´t be able to hold back much longer. I moved one hand to his face, caressing his cheek while our eyes locked and our movements grew nearly desperate.

There is something intensely erotic about looking into your lovers eyes when you both are approaching orgasm. No guards, no holding back. I saw his lust, his need, his desire, but I also saw his love for me inside the depth of his blue eyes. And I knew he´d see the same in my eyes. There was a bond at that very moment and I knew we wouldn´t be able to ignore it after this. We opened up to each other completely, showing our souls, our hearts.

When I saw his mouth open into a silent scream, I allowed myself to give in. I felt myself pulsing around him, tightening to the point where it got painful. But I never let go of his eyes. I saw him arch up against me and then he came too, saying my name with so much emotion. Our movements slowed down, prolonging the pleasure. He pulled me down for a sweet kiss. And that was the last thing I remembered before my mind went black.


	13. Confessions

**Here it is, the final chapter. Thank you to everyone who stayed till the end - I really appreciated every review, comment or message. I don´t want to overdo it, I think it´s time to let them go. But I wanted to have them say the three little magic words.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>You know, Catherine, whenever you are looking like that I feel like I want to slap you. But if I do, I´d feel like slapping a little kitten." Jenna´s voice was pulling me out of my thoughts and I looked at her, unaware of the total confusion on my face. <em>

"_What...?"_

"_You´re so lost in your thoughts that I even feel guilty for pulling you out of them. Must have been pleasant thoughts by the way you´re smiling." I saw her look, curious, but I knew that she´d tease me but never ask. _

_I sighed, putting a strand of hair behind my ear. It was true, I was lost in thoughts. And I couldn´t get myself to focus on this day off on Malta. Being on board, being on duty was so much easier, because there were so many reasons to keep myself from thinking of him. Plus I knew what was expected of me, I knew my job and I knew my role as a Naval Intelligence Officer. Here, being private, being just Catherine Rollins... that was a different story._

"_Sorry Jenna, I..." I started but was interrupted when she lifted her hand._

"_It´s Steve, hm? You know, when I saw you two look at each other in that bar in Coronado, I knew this would be something... something else." Her eyes held some sympathy for me and I felt myself blush. _

"_He´s hot, he´s a SEAL and he´s damn sure interested in you, girl." she said, laughing at me._

"_I´m not too sure about the last one, but then again, I don´t even know what I feel for him." I admitted, feeling somewhat insecure and out of myself for talking that openly about my own emotions._

"_You´re not in the best position. Having a relationship like this is never easy."_

"_We don´t have a relationship."_

"_Not? How would you call it then?" Jenna got serious, looking at me as if I was to pour out my emotions right then and there, in that small café in Malta._

"_Jen..."_

"_Seriously Cat, for how long do you want to pretend?"_

"_I´m not pretending!" I protested weakly, feeling like someone had knocked me off my feet. This whole conversation started to get irrational and completely out of hand. _

"_You are! Everyone around you can see that you have feelings for that guy. And he has feelings for you too. But you both prefer to not talk about it, you ignore it. What for? Do you hope it will disappear again? Trust me, it won´t." I sighed inwardly. This girl was... my best friend. But she could be such a pain in the ass, because she just wouldn´t let go. She was like a pitbull sometimes._

"_How could I ever allow myself to want more?" I asked helplessly. I looked at her, as if she knew the answer to my problems._

"_How could you ever not want more? Let me ask you something, Cat, and I want you to answer me honestly," Jenna said and placed her hand over mine, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "Did you ever realize that we all need someone in our life´s? Someone to make it worth it? Someone who´s there to hold us and to help us move on? Someone to rely on?"_

_I knew I was staring at her but my mind was racing, trying to wrap around her words, wanting them to make sense. And they did. Just like that. They did make sense. Because in that second I realized that Steve was that someone for me. He was my reason to move on. He made me want to fight harder. He made me want to make everything better. He was the one I relied on, his strength, his morals, his mere presence._

"_Oh god." I moaned and hid my face in my hands. I heard Jenna chuckle._

"_You got it, girl."_

I listened to the ringing, waiting for the person on the other end to pick up the call. It was unnerving, all I wanted to hear was his voice. And it seemed to take forever until finally, just a split second before I was directed to his voice mail, the call was answered.

"McGarrett." His voice was low, sleepy and strained, telling me that something wasn´t right.

"Hello sailor." I whispered, closing my eyes to just enjoying the feeling of hearing his voice.

"Sunshine... where are you?" he said, trying to sound like he usually would, confident and strong. But there was something along the edges, something I couldn´t describe.

"2 days from Pearl." I said.

"Home soon."

"Yeah... Steve?"

"Mmmmh?"

"How bad is it?" I asked and I heard him chuckle and then a painful hiss.

"I´m fine." I rolled my eyes.

"Don´t give me that shit, sailor. How badly are you hurt?" I felt myself getting impatient.

"Just some bruises. Nothing serious and nothing life threatening, just painful." he finally admitted.

"Is that the official version you´re giving Danny or is it the truth?" I couldn´t help but smile.

"Trust me, Danny knows how to get me to tell him the truth. I´m okay, Cat." I heard the smile in his voice.

"Do you need a nurse?" I teased and the way he replied told me that he was okay.

"Wanna volunteer?"

"If you don´t insist on me wearing a uniform all the time..."

"Nah, you can walk around naked, I´m fine with it."

"Good, when should I be there?"

"Right now..., "he sighed and continued. "I miss you. But I´ll be able to wait 2 more days, not a second longer though." he chuckled and I saw his face before my eyes, handsome, expressive and with a grin tugging at the end of his curved lips.

"Okay sailor, you got yourself a deal. 2 days from now. Your place. I´ll be there, better prepare yourself to be pampered and spoiled."

"Is that a promise?" his voice dropped a level and it made my skin tingle with anticipation. This man knew damn well what he was doing to me with his voice.

"If you can handle it."

"Oh, trust me, I can handle you, Baby."

"We´ll see, Commander. Don´t be too confident."

"I´m really glad you´ll be back soon." he got serious again, his voice held a gentle tone that made me smile. I closed my eyes for a second, holding the words inside that my heart wanted to say so desperately.

"Me too. It´s been a long time."

"Are you okay, Cat?" I forgot how well he could read me, even if it was just my voice. That was something I wasn´t used to, still. It was unnerving at times when I´d rather keep things from him. Things I knew I couldn´t share. He knew that as well and he never asked for details. But he always made sure I was okay.

"I´ll be." I said, knowing that he would get it. I heard his little sigh, knowing that he was probably running his hand through his hair. I could only imagine how frustrating it must be for him at times, knowing what I was facing every day in my job, but also knowing that he couldn´t help me.

"That bad?" he asked and I closed my eyes again, trying to hold back the tears. His gentle voice soothed the turmoil inside me, but it also made it so much harder to keep my feelings at bay. I didn´t want to break down right now. I didn´t want to think about the past mission and about the life´s we´ve lost.

"Worse. But please let´s not go there now, okay?" He´d probably hear the tears in my voice.

"2 days, Sunshine. And trust me, I´ll help you make happy memories."

"No doubt about that, Steve." I heard his breath and I desperately wished to cuddle into his warmth right now. Damn, since when did I let my guard down enough to let him get to me that much? Why was it so easy to trust him and to open up to him?

"Is everything else okay over there?" I asked, changing the subject when I trusted my voice enough again to speak.

"Yeah, we´re good now. It´s been a bit rough the last days..." he trailed off. "I´ll tell you when you get here, okay?" This time it was him backing off and I accepted that, we´d talk about it when he was ready to. I knew that he was working on tracking down Victor Hesse, his father´s murder, and Wo Fat. I assumed whatever had happened was linked to one or both.

The past year has been hard for him, I knew that he was facing a lot. Not only linked to his new role as the leader of a task force and his need to find his father´s murder, Victor Hesse. This was getting to him emotionally as well. He had to find out that his mother´s death wasn´t an accident but a car bomb, most likely linked to Wo Fat and Hesse as well. He had to deal with Mary Ann getting kidnapped. He was the strongest person I knew. But he wasn´t used to dealing with the feelings of loss and love and revenge and fear, not to that extend. This was personal and he had to fight every day to not let his feelings get the best of him.

I remember the day he called to tell me about his dad, being murdered by Victor Hesse. I´ve never heard so much pain in his voice, so much hate and so much helplessness. He was like a little boy who had lost his hero. And at the same time, he was a grown up man, a Navy SEAL, trained to kill and if he had any say in this, he´d kill Hesse with his bare hands, enjoying every second of it.

I knew that it scared Steve to feel that way. He had told me that much when we were on a boat over the weekend. He usually was a cool, calculated man, never taking any unnecessary risk. He knew his capabilities, knew how to plan an op, knew what was necessary to achieve the goal. He trusted his instincts and was level headed even during the hardest fight. But this wasn´t one of his missions, even though it clearly became one. But this hit too close to home to stay out of it. He was forced to take a side in this game and he chose the one of hunting down the enemy.

I knew though that Danny as well as Kono and Chin wouldn´t allow him to sacrifice his own life and future for Hesse. They´d have his back and they would do whatever was necessary to keep him out of any trouble.

I was worried about this whole situation. I knew that under any other circumstances, Steve would be able to handle it. But with his team as the only back up I was afraid that he´d let his thirst for revenge cloud his rational mind and that would get him into deep trouble. Deeper than anything he ever had to face. And maybe even too deep for me to safe him. Or anyone else.

"Hey, you´re still there?" he interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes, I´m here. Steve..." I stopped, shocked about what I was about to say. The words came out of nowhere, but once they were in my head, I couldn´t ignore them any longer. My heart knew what I was feeling. My head told me to shut the fuck up and not destroy what we had.

"Mmmmm?"

"Nothing. I´ll see you in 2 days, sailor." I whispered, fighting against the need to tell him.

I heard him hesitate for a second and then he said: "I´ll see you in 2 days, Sunshine." When we hung up I felt alone for a second and then I forced myself not to think about it. There were still plenty of things I had to do until I was able to get home.

Home, to Steve.

'Hey Sunshine, won´t make it in time. Let yourself in, relax. I´ll be back asap. Steve'

I sighed when I read the text. Fate seemed to always get in our way. I stood in front of his door and fished the keys for his place out of my purse. He gave them to me a month after he moved in. It was my first leave after the terrible incident and we´ve spend it at his place mostly, cleaning, trying to remove every evidence of what had happened here.

I closed the door behind me, looking around and smiling. This was his home, the place he grew up, and even if it had been his father´s house for the past years, you could already tell that it was Steve´s home now. I dropped my bag, opened up my jacket and just threw it over the sofa, moving to the kitchen. I opened the fridge, getting myself a glass of cooled Shiraz. 'You´re already spoiling me, sailor.' I thought with a chuckle.

The house was quiet, too quiet for my liking. I went back to my bag, got a CD and put it into the player, turning up the volume until it was nearly painful. Within a second the hard drums and rhythm of Sevendust filled the room and I closed my eyes, enjoying the hard music that seemed to respond so well to my inner turmoil.

Nipping at my glass, I took my bag and went upstairs and stripped out of my uniform in his bedroom. In the bathroom I turned on the water of the shower and quickly rinsed the sweat and smell off me. I felt way better when I left the shower. Looking in the mirror, I grimaced at my face. My long dark hair was wet, curling around my shoulders, my face was bare any make up and I looked way younger than I actually felt. My eyes seemed huge and the dark circles under them didn´t match the innocence my face showed.

Back in his bedroom I grabbed a grey tank top and white panties, quickly dressing. My skin was enjoying the air on it, after all those months of being caged in a uniform, I loved feeling as much air as possible. I quickly tied my hair up in a messy bun and went back downstairs barefoot.

Steve still wasn´t there and I decided to pour myself another glass of Shiraz. I already felt the alcohol in my system but I didn´t care. My muscles were relaxed and my inner demons were kept at bay, goal achieved. For the first time in days I felt good and I was so looking forward to seeing him again. I planned on taking him up on his promise to make happy memories. I needed him to stick to that. I needed him desperately to help me with this.

My thoughts went back to our call and to the moment when I had nearly spilled that I loved him. Damn, this situation was getting out of hand. He had told me that we both would have to talk about whatever it is we have between us. We both knew things had changed and we agreed to finding out where it would take us. But was I ready for that yet? Was I ready to admit that I love him?

Ironically I wasn´t scared of him saying that he didn´t feel the same way about me. I guess I knew that he always had feelings for me. Otherwise this wouldn´t have been going on for nearly 5 years now. No, deep down inside I knew that he cared for me, as a lover. But I was scared to hear that. To hear him admit it and tell me that he loved me too. Because...

Because of what? I tried very hard to think of the reasons to not admit my feelings and to not allow this, our relationship, to become real. Why would I not want him in my life? Because it would be complicated to find time? Because I wouldn´t want him to worry when I was gone for months? Because I knew I would worry about him, knowing that his job wasn´t any less dangerous?

"Shit!" I sweared loudly.

None of those reasons seemed to matter anymore. I was in this already, so deep that I didn´t care about the consequences. I was worried about him when I was gone and I knew he was too. It was already difficult to find time, but we always managed. Keeping my feelings from him was nothing more than a habit. A futile attempt to keep myself from getting hurt. But damn it, I would be hurt no matter what, if he was hurt or in danger. I was worrying already.

What if my fear of letting this love I felt for him become obvious, what if that was ... useless? It didn´t make anything easier. Not the parting. Not the absence. Not the longing. It was like torture, like something wonderful and precious that I kept from myself. Even if I would never tell him, I would still feel this way. I would still love him. I would still miss him, worry about him, long for him, want him.

"Beautiful." A low, dark voice behind me startled me and I froze, instinctively grabbing my gun that was placed on the sofa, always within reach. Aiming at the voice I blinked a second and then relaxed my arm, putting the gun down.

Steve stood only a few feet away from me and his face told me exactly what he felt. He looked tired, but his smile was huge, inviting and welcoming. I put the glass down and within a second I was in his arms, pressing my lips to his desperately. He moaned low, pulling me closer and kissing me with so much passion and fever, that my knees would give in, if he hadn´t had me pressed against him. Our tongues met, dancing around each other, drinking in each others taste and scent.

My hands moved to his shirt, ripped it open and slid over his muscles, his skin. Our kiss never broke when we stripped each other, too desperate to feel. His hands were all over my body and I arched into his touch, into his body. God, he felt so good, so manly, so strong. I´d never get tired of touching him.

His lips moved from my mouth to my neck, sucking at the skin where my pulse was beating furiously. I pushed him towards the sofa, pushing him down and following him immediately.

Again we kissed, touching each other were we both needed to feel it. The music in the background only fueled this frantic encounter and when I impaled myself on him, feeling him deep inside me, I threw my head back, screaming his name.

His hands grabbed my hips, pulling me closer, moving me in a hard and demanding way to give us both maximum pleasure.

"Cat..." he moaned and our eyes met.

"I need you." I whispered, reading in his eyes that he understood my unspoken plea. His hands guiding me, moving me more urgently, more demandingly. I was more than willing to give in.

"Kiss me." he demanded and I obliged, kissing him. And I allowed all my feelings to surface, not holding anything back anymore. My hands tried to touch as much of him as possible, gently kneading his muscles under my hands.

I broke the kiss again, steadying myself with my hands on his shoulders when I began to move faster. Again and again I caused him to moan, to arch into me, to push his hips up. I knew we wouldn´t last long, but it didn´t matter. I needed him. I wanted him.

"Steve!" I moaned when his lips closed around one of my hard nipples, teasing it and causing me to jolt upwards.

"More!" he demanded and again I obliged.

We moved in a hard, nearly furious rhythm and I knew that was what we both needed. Desperate to feel each other after those long months apart.

And then I was there. Screaming his name while he held me pressed to him tightly. His hips pushing up against me prolonged my orgasm, until I was panting heavily. I heard him moan, knowing that he was close as well and I lifted my head, framed his face and looked at him.

"Come for me." I whispered, moving my hips, pressing my thighs against his. I felt him pulsing inside me, throbbing, begging for release.

"Cat!" His eyes clouded, his lips opened up in a silent scream and his body went rigid when he came undone. I watched him, saw him dropping his guard completely. In that very moment, he allowed me to look straight into his soul, into his heart. No holding back. No boundaries. No fear.

It was the next evening and I hardly remembered if I had ever felt this comfortable and lazy. We had spend the day at the beach behind his house, goofing around in the water, napping in the warm sand and making dinner together. Steve let me choose a movie, but I think that maybe it wasn´t the smartest move.

"Hey, it was just a movie!" I heard the laughter in his voice and tried my hardest to will the tears to stop flowing.

"I know it´s just a movie, Steve." I said, sniffing.

"Come on, Cat, you´re not crying over a movie like this, are you?" I punched his gut and heard him laugh out loud.

"It was very emotional!" I defended myself.

"Yes, the good looking guy got the girl and they live happily ever after." he chuckled and I punched him again, moving away from him.

"That´s what love should be like." I said, knowing I sounded stupid. We were on his sofa, cuddled together and we had just finished watching "Dear John".

"Oh...oh...oh... really? That´s what love should be like? A good looking guy falling in love with a girl who´s marrying a guy who´s gonna die?" He caught my hands who were trying to poke him or do whatever was necessary to keep him from laughing.

"Maybe not literally, but in essence, yes!" I defended myself again. I felt my lips twitch as I nearly smiled at him.

"Come on, Cat. That´s too much cliché." he chuckled. I knew he was right, still this movie had touched me. Then I straddled his hips, looking down at him, trying desperately to fight my own laughter.

"Yes, but she is his reason to survive. It might be cliché but he´s coming back to her, right?" Within a split second he got serious and looked at me.

"Yes, because he things she´s waiting for him and he wants her to be waiting for him." His voice was strained and I felt confused. What had just happened? One second we were laughing, bickering about a movie and the next second he was serious and it didn´t sound like he was talking about the movie anymore.

"Steve...?" I know I sounded confused but I couldn´t help it.

"You know, this girl´s face is what get´s him through it. She is the reason to get up every morning. The reason for him to survive." His hands slid to my thighs, unconsciously rubbing up and down. I just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. Waiting for him to make sense.

"You are like that girl for me, Cat." he whispered, his hands framing my face, his thumbs gently brushing my cheeks. "I never expected to hear your voice during that mission in Pakistan. But I held onto it. I knew that you´d get me out of there. I needed you." he whispered. I drew in a deep breath, unable to pull myself out of this situation.

"It was like you were my only connection back to the real world. Your voice." I looked at him in surprise, trying to understand what was going on.

"There was a moment when I was lying in the dirt, and all I heard was my own heartbeat. It was loud and thumping and all I could do was focus on that. And then I thought of you, Cat." I felt my eyes tear up and my hands fist into the fabric of his shirt. This was too much. It was just... too much.

"Steve, don´t..." I started, but I found myself unable to continue.

"I though I´d die, Cat. And it would have been okay. I felt like this moment would have been as good as any other moment. I was ready to die."

A sob escaped my chest and I felt my whole body was trembling.

"But when I remembered your face I knew that I wasn´t ready to die yet. There was something I had to do first."

"Don´t..." I whispered again, crushing my lips to his to keep him from saying those words. I tasted our tears, salty and wet, on both of ours lips. When I pulled back his hands framed my face again. I saw the tears in his eyes, felt his body shiver. I´ve never seen him this upset.

"We´ve been through hell and back together and I wouldn´t want to miss a single moment. I thought I was prepared for everything but then I met you. And my whole world changed. I didn´t realize it at first ." I heard myself sob, feeling my own feelings surface, unable to hide anymore.

"I don´t know how we will make it work, Cat. But I know that I want to make it work. With you." his voice broke and those words broke the wall I had build around my heart, like it was nothing. Those words cut right into my heart and set my feelings free that I was hiding all those years. I´ve met him 5 years ago and I think I loved him right from the start. My heart had loved him from the start. And here I was, looking at him, seeing all his feelings and emotions in his eyes, and I felt unable to keep my feelings locked up any longer.

"I love you, Steve." I cried, biting my lower lip. I saw his eyes widen a bit, as of surprise or because he didn´t want to hear it, I didn´t know. And I didnt´care. I´ve kept those feelings inside for so long. My heart was bursting and I longed to tell him, even if he didn´t feel the same way.

"Cat, I love you too." he whispered and pulled me down to kiss me again. This kiss was so sweet and tender, so full of love and comfort. His lips were trembling, just like mine were. My tears tasted salty on our lips. And his heart was beating as hard as mine did.

I felt my body melt into him, shaking with sobs that all those years of denial and ignorance suddenly 'poofed' into nothingness. There was no reason to fight it any longer. And my mind just seemed to realize that he felt the same way. I couldn´t stop crying and I gave up trying. His arms were wrapped around me and he held me tightly, nearly making it impossible to breath. And I didn´t care. I didn´t want him to let go.

It took us about an hour to calm down and bottle up the feelings again. At least enough to be able to look at each other again. His thumb brushed over my lips.

"I love you Cat. I love you." he whispered, pressing his lips to mine and I felt the urge to be closer. All of the sudden the clothes between us were too much and I wanted to feel his skin on mine.

"Get naked... too much clothes... " I panted, ripping his clothes from his body. He helped me and when he was naked, he stripped me too.

"I need you." He moaned and without hesitating his hands on my hips guided me onto his hardness. I impaled myself, feeling him filling me and completing me. Again I felt tears streaming down my face and when he stopped moving inside me I opened my eyes again.

"Don´t stop loving me, Steve." I urged and he began moving again. His hips thrusted up when I moved down. His arms were wrapped around me and I couldn´t help the movement of my hips that were creating pleasure and excitement for both of us.

"Steve..." I cried, sobbing his name while my fingernails dug into his shoulders.

"Catherine... I´m here... I won´t go anywhere... I´m with you." he moaned and I held onto him for dear life. My body was writhing, convulsing and arching and within seconds I felt myself giving in. I came undone, held by his strong arms.

"Cat...I love you!" he whispered and I pressed my lips to his.

"I love you, Steve. Always... I always have." I whispered, need and want evident in my voice. I felt his movements more urgent, needy and wanting and I gave him more. This time I didn´t hold back anything. I just gave myself to him.

And when he came, when he thrusted inside me one final time and roared my name in release, I held him, as tightly as I could. I allowed myself to let the desire wash over me, at the same moment. Our lips locked together, our arms wrapped around each other. I didn´t ever want to let go. Not him. Not ever.

"I love you!" I screamed when the pleasure became too much. And he was still there, holding me, having my back, assuring me.

And for the first time ever, I wasn´t fighting the feeling.


End file.
